Me at WH Smith counter - Bottle of water thanks Assistant - Would you like a family sized bar of Galaxy at half price? Would've loved to follow your train of thought but I've just pushed you in front of it .
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OPINIONS
The Corner
THEIRRY HENRY & FIFA
Henry: "I am not the ref" True, but its your responsibility to play fairly you cocksucker.
COOKING PONCES
You either enjoyed it or you didn't - It's just food, move on. .
MUSIC INDUSTRY
Choked in my cereals the other day as I found out that 42% of the UK top 40 singles are from X factor related acts. I still twitch with rage when I think about this - basically 17 out of 40 songs...
The Heroes
HERMAN VAN ROMPUY
A man who has dedicated his life to being a complete nonentity has at last received the ultimate 'Beige' accolade.
MY IRISH FLATMATE
For last night saying sorry on behalf of the Irish nation for Maradonna's "Hand of god" goal in 1986.
KEISHA BUCHANAN
For getting out of the Sugababes.
PAOLO NUTINI
The name sounds like an Italian Jawa.
The Rules
DANE BOWERS
has been on the phone to ITV every day this week, probably. .
IT'S EASIER TO COMPLETE AN M15 JOB APPLICATION FORM....
....than to order a sandwich. Brown or White? Roll or Bread? Ciabatta? Granary? (Had one the other day, straight-faced, asked if I wanted 'Pumpernickel'? Dirty bitch!) Seeded or Non-Seeded? Butter or Plain? Salad or No Salad? Jism or Afterbirth and so the litany of endless questions goes on. .
WHEN WRAPPING A PALLET
with shrink film the sound produced is uncannily like the noise of the Tardis dematerialising .
WHEN RELEASING A
charity single to help promote health, wellbeing and safety of children, best not to use a Michael Jackson song .
The Board
HAPPY 43RD BIRTHDAY
PennyCentury! xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx .
WHAT WOULD YOU DO
if you had Jessica Simpson's fringe for the day? just think about, yeah? .
SOMEONE
just told me it's only 37 days til Christmas, so I killed their whole family.
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