Holy Moly! - Reality TV

Imogen no possessions, we wonder if she can

John Hill — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 12:06:22 +0000

Imogen Thomas says everyone would do what she did, now apparently lying in own bed

So as the story goes, once the Big Brother student union appearances ran dry Imogen decided to have sex repeatedly with married footballer Ryan Giggs. Unfortunately for the poor little reality star, she wasn't (as she seemed to expect) praised for her charming naïveté but instead punished for being what some would describe as 'a homewrecking slut'. A situation she then promptly exacerbated by attempting to make huge sums of money from it.

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Don't get angry, don't get even, don't do anything

John Hill — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 11:16:53 +0000

Chantelle and Alex to have new reality TV show about Chantelle's pregnancy

So yes, after holding several focus group with local teenagers, stay-at-home-mums, and off-duty fireman, the couple decided the best idea for the programme would be to base it entirely around the most popular part of Chantelle's anatomy, her womb (or thereabouts, depending on ratings) as we follow the trials and tribulations leading up to the birth of her miracle baby.

There's a possibility it's not going to be quite as dull as it sounds. Slim to none*, but it's there nonetheless.

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Winning on Poynts

John Hill — Mon, 05 Dec 2011 09:59:39 +0000

I'm a Celebrity 2011: Dougie wins, Mark Wright says he could be next James Bond

So with Fatima and Antony out, it was just Mark and Dougie left in the final. Going into the competition there was simply no way anyone would have expected Mark Wright to even get this far, after all, the only indication we ever had that he wasn't a sociopath was James Argent's enduring, vaguely homoerotic, love for him. On the other hand, that charming rascal from McFly, Dougie Poynter, had already captured the nations heart with his song 5 Colours in Her Hair, so it's hardly surprising he made it this far.

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"Tony you trumpet!"

John Hill — Fri, 02 Dec 2011 10:20:31 +0000

I'm a Celebrity 2011: Willie booted out, Mark writes soap opera

Aside from Willie accusing Mark of being 'too honest' and stumbling into Antony's bed, the only other major event was Fatima saying she'd probably never want to see Antony again. Suppose that's news, as far as it goes.

Anyway, have a look at the vids and see for yourself…

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Peter Andre in a six foot box?

John Hill — Thu, 01 Dec 2011 11:57:50 +0000

I'm a Celebrity 2011: Crissy evicted, Willie goes crazy, Peter Andre overexcites Fatima

Not that Crissy leaving the jungle will make much of a difference. Aside from her laugh and the fact she made Willie look the model of health, she was a bit of a non-entity. Having said that, it turns out the whole time she was acting as the control rod to the reactor powering Willie's emotions, and as a result, with her out of the show he's gone supercritical.

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She's all Wright

John Hill — Wed, 30 Nov 2011 10:17:59 +0000

I'm a Celebrity 2011: Emily Scott evicted, Mark gets upset, wees on a sword, is in love

Still, with Emily out it means we're looking to Crissy of Fatima to keep Mark occupied. His hunger for love is too strong to be denied. Perhaps they'll play Ludo or something with him, something he can use his hands for. Otherwise he'll just rub himself raw.

Also, any of you wondering why Emily would fall for Mark in the first place, here's an example of his super-sexy chat, this time about his next trial:

“I hope I haven’t got to wear a dress again – I know how to take them off but don’t know how put them on.”

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The Turbanators

John Hill — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 11:15:43 +0000

Warriors of Goja on Indian Talent show: the most incredible, super-violent audition ever

So, unless Terminator and Robocop believed in some kind of deity, it's now pretty obvious which religion is the best.

Guru Nanak, you did good.

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"He's a massive knob"

John Hill — Wed, 23 Nov 2011 10:46:16 +0000

I'm A Celebrity 2011: Pat Sharp becomes a monster, starts bullying old ladies

HOWEVER, we've got to say that I'm a Celeb this year has taken a turn for the brilliant with the addition of Pat Sharp. The man's a sadistic narcissist. Everyone seems to dislike him and he couldn't give less of shit. If he had a whole bag full of fucks he wouldn't give any of you a single one.

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Leave them all in there

John Hill — Mon, 21 Nov 2011 09:45:07 +0000

I'm a Celebrity 2011: Mark Wright hits on Emily Scott, Harold Bishop hosts the quiz

Being the last one into the jungle, having arrived only late last week, it seems that the show's producers might finally get what they wanted as EMILY SCOTT started flirting with Mark in the pool. Not outrageous flirting though, more the kind you might expect between two male prisoners after sixth months of a ten year sentence.

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He's a celeb

John Hill — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 10:18:06 +0000

I'm A Celebrity 2011: Freddie Starr is allergic to camel toes, real ones

Unfortunately, much as we were hoping to accuse him of being wildly dramatic about the whole thing, it seems like he was actually quite the trooper, only being airlifted to Auspital after he'd beaten Mark Wright in a eating competition that featured pig's anuses and various other Middle Eastern delicacies.

In fact, from what we've seen today, it seems like it might have been the camel meat he ate during this very eat-off that caused the allergic reaction. Both doctors and scientists are currently working around the clock to bring us more information.

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