Wayne Rooney's baby is called Kai, middle name Wayne. First, didn't they consider people would reverse it to Wayne Kai (up there with Shiloh Pitt as a spoonerism)? Second, when you look like a potato, why would you give your son a name that meets "to eat" in Maori? And third, who gives their baby their own name as a middle name? It turns out the answer to this question is somehow who has the same name as their father - which means Kai could choose to go by the name of Wayne Rooney the third.

Anyway, the offspring of Wayne and Coleen Rooney was born at 2.30 on Monday 2 November 2009 in Liverpool. For those interested, it was 9 days overdue and weighed just over 8 pounds. The big question is, does he look more or less like a potato than his dad?