• Name: Amy Winehouse
• Age: 26
• Occupation: Singer/Dancer
• Best Work: Love is a Losing Game
• Worst work: Blaaaaaake
• Worth: ££££££
• Significant Others: Blake, crack, booze
• Most Likely to: end in tears
• PAPS: 256
• SLAPS: 230

Shy and reclusive church-going singer who once had half a shandy but didn’t like the fuzzy feeling so decided not to have any more. Oh sorry we’re thinking of Thora Hird. Amy Winehouse is of course a boggle-eyed mentalist with ten-foot tall hair who grew up in North London, got chucked out of stage school, became a teenage jazz singing star and later wrote and released a second album called Back to Black. Which was literally the most amazing thing to come out of England in a decade. She celebrated that success by marrying a crackhead, headbutting a few fans and making a YouTube video accompanied by Pete Doherty and some very small mice. And drinking a few more shandies. With crack for pudding.