Holy Moly! - Ashley Cole

Good game, good game

John Hill — Tue, 08 Nov 2011 09:35:06 +0000

Modern Warfare 3 launch: TOWIE, Dynamo, Ashley Cole, Katie Melua and Jack Whitehall

Apparently there were celebrities there, although we hardly saw them, instead spending most of our time watching huge guys from Croydon standing next to games consoles, desperate to play, but having obviously been told by their heavily made-up girlfriends beforehand that if they even thought about it they'd find themselves pretty lonely on the way home.

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Every Cole's A Goal

Sat, 15 Oct 2011 10:11:09 +0000

Ashley Cole 'parades' two girls before choosing one to take home, new TV game show idea?

Ashley's not that greedy, though. He would never take two girls home to his love shack - three's a crowd, after all - so he decided a little selection process was in order to whittle them down.

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Banksy! Oh.

John Hill — Tue, 11 Oct 2011 08:32:19 +0000

Playboy club party: Snoop Dogg, Joe McElderry and Ashley Cole - Cheryl will be upset

It wasn't just Ashley there last night though, no, he was also joined by 'Banksy' which we're assuming is what the paps call anyone wearing a mask, as well as Snooper The Dogg and Joe McElderry. We're assuming, based on reports, that Joe is trying to have sex with one of the bunnies to help him cure his stammer. Or teeth. Or sexuality. Whatever it is that he reportedly needs correcting.

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Cole lotta rubbish

Sun, 14 Aug 2011 11:50:42 +0000

Ashley Cole rewards girls with shots for gyrating, going for dinner with Cheryl's family

So, in the first of this exhilarating two part tale, Ashley's been spotted handing out shots to young girls at a Mayfair club... to get them away from him, obviously! What else would he be feeding them alcohol for?

Here's what the Sunday Mirror's witness said:

"Ashley was on the table near us and he was covered in young girls wearing the usual next-to-nothing club outfits. One blonde girl in particular was gyrating all over him."

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'At the end of the day... it's the night'

Gemma Exley — Fri, 05 Aug 2011 11:18:36 +0000

Ashley Cole says he's misunderstood and tells us to come and speak to him

In an interview with Football Focus, which is set to air tomorrow, Cole complains about how we all hate him, saying:

"Judge me on how I play football or judge me on when you meet me. Come and speak to me; if I’m an arse-hole, then fair enough, say it – but a lot of people judge others too quickly without actually knowing the full facts or the actual real person.

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A muff is enough

John Hill — Wed, 03 Aug 2011 09:00:30 +0000

Ashley Cole hires bodyguard to stop him having sex with everything

However, unsurprisingly, too much contact with willies and/or vaginas that don't belong to you isn't good for anyone except maybe gynaecologists and urologists, and even they have to be paid for it. Which is why Ashley Cole has had to get himself a minder. To keep him safe from himself. (Daily Star)

“Ashley does have problems getting mobbed by autograph hunters and Cheryl fans furious at the way he treated her,”

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"He might be short, but he makes up for it in personality"

Wed, 27 Jul 2011 11:47:11 +0000

Ashley Cole's air hostess writes open letter apologising to Cheryl, a heart-warming read

Kerry Meade is the air hostess in question, and she has penned this beautifully written, expertly spell-checked and all round moving letter to Cheryl via Reveal magazine, who we hope paid her no more than a fiver for it. You can read the whole thing in a second, but here are our favourite bits first:

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Ashley's Hole

Sun, 17 Jul 2011 10:25:26 +0000

Air hostess says she slept with Ashley Cole a week before Cheryl's bday, quelle surprise

There are a large number of quotes from Kerry Meades, the kiss-and-tell air hostess who had already shagged Ashley long before this incident, none of which will drop your jaw anywhere near the floor or force your eyes even slightly out your head. They do, however, make for a very enjoyable read, because they make Ashley Cole out to be a sex and self obsessed moron, which is always fun. Cheers Kerry!

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For crying out Girls Aloud

John Hill — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 11:14:31 +0000

Cheryl Cole and Ashley probably together again, Cheryl's car turning back into a pumpkin

Anyway, we're sure you don't want to just take our word for it, so here's not one, not two, but three seperate sources confirming everyone's not really worst fears: (via The Sun):

A source said "For the first time in nine years Cheryl's looking at an empty diary. After the X Factor USA plans fell apart, she realised there wasn't much else in her life. She realised she had to embrace those closest to her - and Ashley remains the love of her life."

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Jay Cole's

John Hill — Mon, 04 Jul 2011 09:22:15 +0000

Ashley Cole and Jay Z to open London club, want disenfranchised youths to run it

So, because the Jay Z and the Ashley Cole are such all round lovely guys, aside from a spot of philandering on Ashley's part, they have decided to follow in Jellamy Lolliver's well tongued path and do their little bit for the underpriveleged masses by opening an exclusive club staffed by teenage runaways. Plus, Jay can't seem to stop making money and once you've hidden a million dollars worth of gold bullion in your wife's bottom, everything else just seems a bit dull. Except giving. Giving never gets boring. (Via The Sun)

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