• Name: Bono
• Age: 49
• Occupation: Rock Star
• Best Work: An Cat Dubh
• Worst work: Pop
• Worth: ££££££££££
• Significant Others: Ali Hewson
• Most Likely to: Have no idea how preposterous he has become
• PAPS: 273
• SLAPS: 504

Bestest mates with Bob Geldof, Bono used to be famous for being in an Irish rock combo called U2. They released eight million hit albums such as The Joshua Tree and Achtung Baby and Bono rocked out in his sunglasses around the world, but really he is now famous for trying to make poverty history. Unfortunately he seems to have accidentally made it worse by hanging out with idiots like George Bush and making everyone think those nice world leaders have cancelled all third world debt when they’ve done no such thing and the entire banking system has now in fact collapsed. Ah well, nice try Bonio - or Paul David Hewson, as your grandma surely still calls you. If she’s not dead.