• Name: Calum Best
• Age: 29
• Occupation: Wannabe playboy
• Best Work: Posing
• Worst work: Everything
• Worth: £
• Significant Others: slapper central
• Most Likely to: Another reality show
• PAPS: 114
• SLAPS: 130

Calum Best’s dad was the footballer George Best, who famously said “I spent a lot of money on booze, birds and fast cars. The rest I just squandered.” His son is even worse - and without any talent to justify it. Calum Best is a celebrity slapper who canoodles with Lindsay Lohan on beaches, got somebody who looked awfully like Lizzie Jagger to have a nosh on his unmentionables in a nightclub (it was caught on CCTV) and who made a reality TV show about how hard it was for him to go without nookie for, like, a bit. He was last seen judging the flirting skills of entrants on Paris Hilton’s Celebrity Best Friend - and trying to sleep at night without the words “barrel” and “scraping” reverberating noisily around his ears.