Holy Moly! - Chantelle Houghton

Daybreak, home of truth

John Hill — Wed, 04 Jan 2012 10:17:17 +0000

Alex Reid and Chantelle put fake pregnancy rumours to bed, but admit it's unbelievable

Can you imagine? People are accusing the saintly couple of manufacturing a fake pregnancy just to boost their public profiles. Oh people, how cruel you are.

Luckily though, Alex 'Just a simple carpenter' Reid and Chantelle 'The Virgin' Houghton were able to spare just enough time from their mystical pilgrimage to pop into the Daybreak studios to clear things up before heading off to lay some palm fronds on the M25:

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Don't get angry, don't get even, don't do anything

John Hill — Wed, 14 Dec 2011 11:16:53 +0000

Chantelle and Alex to have new reality TV show about Chantelle's pregnancy

So yes, after holding several focus group with local teenagers, stay-at-home-mums, and off-duty fireman, the couple decided the best idea for the programme would be to base it entirely around the most popular part of Chantelle's anatomy, her womb (or thereabouts, depending on ratings) as we follow the trials and tribulations leading up to the birth of her miracle baby.

There's a possibility it's not going to be quite as dull as it sounds. Slim to none*, but it's there nonetheless.

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"I Chantelle anyone, it'll be our secret, Alex"

John Hill — Tue, 13 Dec 2011 11:18:03 +0000

Chantelle talks about baby names and having sex while pregnant, nation sick in hand

Still, if she doesn't care, who are we to criticise? So anyway, this verbal emetic is from a recent interview with New magazine in which Chantelle Houghton spoke about her pregnancy and how it's affected her and Alex Reid's sex life. TOTALLY GROSS, RIGHT? Also, apparently when you name a baby, it's for its entire life!

Tell you what though, you've got to hand it to those guys and girls at New, they put up with a lot of awful shit just to provide us with celebrity interviews. Give them an Iron Heart or a Purple Cross or something equally relevant.

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Let's name it Regan

John Hill — Tue, 15 Nov 2011 11:18:10 +0000

Chantelle Houghton announces she's pregnant, world suspects unholy forces at work

So yes, Chantelle Houghton has announced she's pregnant with the child of Alex Reid, a man so destructively stupid that, despite the fact he's spent most of his life being punched in the head, still doesn't seem to have suffered more than a light concussion. Well done Alex. Couldn't do it to ol' Pricey Open Crotch, so congratulations for getting a bun up this one.

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Idiocracy

John Hill — Tue, 18 Oct 2011 10:54:26 +0000

Chantelle Houghton and Alex Reid must not be allowed to marry, for humanity

Anyway, assuming there's no legal way the wedding that will mark the fall of humanity can be stopped, then we'll just have to hope they fuck it up themselves. It is their way, after all. Just look at their last marriages. Total disasters. Surprising, since they both chose their last partners based entirely on overnight viewing figures: (Via OK!)

Chantelle: "I was married to Preston and Alex was married to Katie and we both said forever. Right now, we want to be together forever but you don't know what's going to happen in 20 years."

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kills self

Sun, 09 Oct 2011 10:43:11 +0000

Alex Reid proposes to Chantelle live on TV, forgets he's still married to Katie Price

As publicity stunts go, this is up there with the best.

So there they were, Alex Reid and Chantelle Houghton, sitting on Brendan O'Connor's sofa on RTE's The Saturday Night Show, discussing their relationship and how disgustingly happy they are together. We heard how Katie Price broke Alex's heart, how Chantelle knows she isn't fat, how Alex Reid is 'a breast man' and how the pair are currently trying to conceive using IVF treatment. Lovely stuff, nothing too private.

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They’ve definitely thought this one through

BeccaDP — Tue, 30 Aug 2011 11:58:12 +0000

Alex Reid and Chantelle talking babies. Again

Well, not in celeb world. In celeb world, it is totally cool to have the baby talk as soon as humanly possible, and to make sure that the national press is informed that you have had this life-changing conversation.

That’s right, after a mere two months of having a relationship, Alex and Chantelle want to start a family together! How lovely for them.

Now, the more cynical reader might like to point out that two months is not a very long time, and that a portfolio of the two of them hugging at social occasions is not a viable foundation for family life... You cynic!

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Love the way you lick

Peter Meehan — Fri, 26 Aug 2011 09:51:30 +0000

He looks Rod-iculous: HM Pictures of the Day 25th August

Starting out with the world at their feet are One Direction outside the Radio 2 studio, where they probably did some singing and answered questions the way their media coach told them to.

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When Bruv takes over

Sat, 30 Jul 2011 09:04:47 +0000

Channel 5 airs Big Brother trailer, ex-housemates galore

Along with Eugene - the single, greatest housemate ever - there's Makosi, Anthony, Victor, Michelle, Pete, Mutya off The Sugababes, the twins, Alex Sibley, Glyn, John McCririck, Nasty Nick, Craig, Josie, Brian Belo, Chantelle and Alex bloody Reid, Nikki, Brian and, err, H from Steps. Our favourite bit is 0:36 when Ahmed pops up though.

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Silly billy

John Hill — Tue, 19 Jul 2011 10:14:35 +0000

Chantelle Houghton continues to have major health problems due to bulimia

Having said that, unlike Katie Price, Chantelle does seem to pay the price (hur hur) for her endless pursuit of mindless sexual objectification, unfortunately for her it's in the form of major health problems. Firstly it was dental issues after she replaced all her teeth with badly made veneers, and now it turns out she can't have kids due to the fact her favourite food used to be her index and middle fingers. Awww.

‘I’ve punished my body, and now it’s punishing me. Ultimately it’s my fault. I hate myself and can never forgive myself.

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Holy Moly! - Chantelle Houghton

Daybreak, home of truth

Don't get angry, don't get even, don't do anything

"I Chantelle anyone, it'll be our secret, Alex"

Let's name it Regan

Idiocracy

*kills self*

They’ve definitely thought this one through

Love the way you lick

When Bruv takes over

Silly billy

kills self