• Name: Chris Martin
• Age: 33
• Occupation: Musician
• Best Work: Politik
• Worst work: Dancing
• Worth: £££££
• Significant Others: Gwyneth Paltrow
• Most Likely to: Say something vaguely determined about wanting to change the world.
• PAPS: 194
• SLAPS: 178

Lead singer with the band Coldplay and husband of the actress Gwyneth Paltrow, Martin is a father of two children and of a hundred bands, all of whom sound like Coldplay. This is because he hit on the perfect combo of guitar meets piano meets poignancy and every other landfill indie band has been trying to do it ever since. Chris studied ancient history at University College, London, where he formed his popular beat combo, who went on to have hits including Yellow, Clocks, The Scientist and Have Yourself A Filthy Little Christmas On A Cheese And Pineapple Stick (that last one has, erm, never been released.) Many blame Chris Martin for the demise of the western world, the fall of Adam and the holocaust. Others think he’s just a nice bloke who makes catchy records. It’s a tough call.