• Name: Cristiano Ronaldo
• Age: 25
• Occupation: Footballer
• Best Work: Seven goals in the World Cup qualifiers
• Worst work: His relationship with Man Utd fans
• Worth: £££££
• Significant Others: Close to his sister
• Most Likely to: Sulk
• PAPS: 153
• SLAPS: 164

Ronaldo is a Portuguese footballer who plays for Manchester United, having been signed by Alex Ferguson for over £12 million when he was only 18. Despite rumours that Real Madrid were willing to pay silly sums to poach his goaltastic legs, he remains with United, though he nips home to Portugal to play with their national team too. He is a lover of designer labels and has opened a fashion boutique back home with his sister. Alas, his love of designer cars hasn’t been quite so successful - the silly plonker totalled his Ferrari in a tunnel. Perhaps he’d only just found out the amazing news that his parents named him Ronaldo - his middle name - after his dad’s favourite actor. Ronald Reagan. Looks like the gayest man alive.