Ronaldo is a Portuguese footballer who played for Manchester United, having been signed by Alex Ferguson for over £12 million when he was only 18. He now plays for Real Madrid, though he nips home to Portugal to play with their national team too. He is a lover of designer labels and has opened a fashion boutique back home with his sister. Alas, his love of designer cars hasn’t been quite so successful - the silly plonker totalled his Ferrari in a tunnel. Perhaps he’d only just found out the amazing news that his parents named him Ronaldo - his middle name - after his dad’s favourite actor. Ronald Reagan. In 2010 he announced that he had a son imaginatively named Cristiano Ronaldo Junior. He has sole custody over the child and the only thing we know about the mother is that she actually got into bed with Ronaldo after he used the amazing chat up line "Me, you, fuck fuck." Looks like the gayest man alive.