• Name: David Beckham
• Age: 34
• Occupation: Footballer
• Best Work: 100 caps for England
• Worst work: Nuts deep in Rebecca Loos
• Worth: ££££££££££
• Significant Others: Victoria Beckham
• Most Likely to: Be accused of doing something he shouldn’t while away from home
• PAPS: 194
• SLAPS: 164

British footballer who married a Spice Girl. Wore a sarong. Became captain of the England team. Beckham's hair is almost as famous as his golden balls. But he fell out with his Manchester United manager Fergie over “celebrity lifestyle conflicts”. Moved to Spain to play for Real Madrid. Denied having an affair with Rebecca Loos, who put her intimate knowledge of the Beckhams to good use by wanking off a pig on national television. Had three sons with Posh and moved them all to Los Angeles where he would become the highest-paid footballer in the world. Managed to combine this with not really playing any football. Now on loan to Milan while Posh has to stay at home in LA - he must be devastated. Annoys men everywhere by being good at everything.