• Name: Madonna
• Age:
• Occupation: Queen of pop
• Best Work: Like A Prayer
• Worst work: Movies
• Worth: £££
• Significant Others: Jesus
• Most Likely to: Beat you in an arm wrestle?
• PAPS: 254
• SLAPS: 233

Madge is the celebrity that just keeps on giving, the one all the wannabes look up to. While we recently believed she had settled down as an English county lady / earth mother, she confounded us by divorcing Guy and popping back up with a 22-year-old lover called - you could not write this stuff - Jesus. Often-surprising, always-embarrassing, from simulating sex in an empty bed for Like A Virgin to giving birth to some crows on Ray Of Light, the sinewy spinster commands attention. All eyes are now on Lourdes, Rocco and David Banda to see how they can rebel from the ultimate rebel herself.