• Name: Michael Jackson
  • Name: Deceased
  • Occupation: Singer
  • Best work: Billie Jean
  • Worst work: That documentary
  • Worth: Jack shit
  • Significant others: A monkey
  • Most likely to: Ask to borrow a fiver

Wacko Jacko started as a black child star performing with his brothers in The Jackson Five. Fast forward forty-five years and you have a middle aged, broke, white guy. Somewhere between hitting his teens and becoming an international phenomena, the moonwalker has been accused of paedophilia, dangled a baby from a hotel balcony and spent every penny he has ever earned. In a desperate bid to earn some dosh, Jacko was about to start a massive world tour, however dying on 25 June 2009 meant that this tour never happened. Ironically though by dying his career was resurrected, and his albums and singles floated around the top ten for much of the summer. Since then it has been almost like he never died, as a film about the concert that never happened, lots of previously unseen material and a collaboration with Akon have all been released. There is currently an inquest going on about whether Jackson's doctor is guilty of manslaughter, though he has pleaded not guilty.

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