• Name: Tiger Woods
• Age: 33
• Occupation: Currently 'on sabbatical'
• Best Work: Putting things in holes
• Worst work: Putting things in hoes
• Worth: £££££
• Significant Others: We've lost count
• Most Likely to: Have an affair with you/Cheat on you
• PAPS: 8
• SLAPS: 6

Tiger Woods had always been aiming to score a hole in one; but we now know that, for Tiger, any hole's a goal.

Once thought of as the world's greatest golfer, Tiger has now taken an indefinite leave from professional golf to focus on his new passion of, well, infidelity. And to think it was all going so well for him: the world's highest-paid professional athlete, more career major wins  than any other golfer and named 'player of the year' a record ten times. But with one innocent car accident, Tiger went from well-respected professional and credible role model to lying cheat and all round wanker.

When he crashed his car into a hedge, a fire hydrant and a tree in November 2009, story after story began to leak out about Tiger's after-hour activities - with over a dozen women having now claimed to have had an affair with Woods. What a (golf) player.