Previously on Big Brother, everyone had huge garlic puke, Paddy spat a mental and we discovered a deep-buried lust for Christopher Mintz-Plasse (call us, Christopher!). But that was on TUESday and today is WEDNESday, so without further ado, feast your eyes on this, our LIVEBLOG of tonight's LIVE EVICTION SHOW!

Welcome welcome welcome to tonight's Liveblog! I will be looking at the telly, seeing what is on it, and then typing it on the internet for all to see! Cutting edge stuff, I think you'll agree. As ever, I am blogging alone as my boyfriend sits grumbling in another room, and my t-shirt is currently almost entirely free of food stains (sometimes I like to be fancy).

See youuuu at 9!!!

9:00Bright lights! Shouty crowds! Brian Dowling! It's a LIVE SHOW! How exciting. I am on the edge of my seat! Who goes?! Either way, Pam or Darryn, we're happy.

9:02 First, though, some highlights from Day 13. It's their second day without hot water. Kerry says Paddy's face is like a (baby's) arse.

9:03 Pamela and Tara are sitting together, intelligibly bitchig and smoking. It's like they're twins or something...

9:05 Both Amy and Pamela have vests with big cat faces on them. Amy has a lion and Pamela a panther. I think one of them might be Christopher Kane...or possibly a rip-off.

9:06 Tara is scared of Darryn BUT WHAT'S THIS!? Lucien and Kerry having a weird sexy dance hug!!! Little buggers.

9:14 RIGHT, I had a minor technical brainfart there. But it's OK, you only missed Darryn being boring, and Brian being excitable. PHONE LINES CLOSE IN 7 MINUTES! If you want to vote, THEN BLOODY DO IT, PEOPLE!!!

9:15 Errrrrr'body's been talking nominations. Sheesh, people! It's not that hard to not talk about stuff! In my family, there are MASSIVE things we have LITERALLY NEVER TALKED ABOUT. Just zip it, yeah?

9:17 Don't you just love it when they get Big Brother to read out conversations in deadpan? It's great. Also, because of the housemates' lack of zip-lip, they now have no hot water AND no power for hairdryers and straighteners.

9:18 TWIN TASK! Jedward are in charge of the task, helping Darryn and Lucien (Darluc), Amy and Tara (Amara), Paddy and Kerry (Perry) and Pamela and Bobby (Pambob) to understand what it's like to be identical twins.

9:20 Bobby as Pam's twin and Kerry as paddy's are amazing. Bobby just said "always classy never nasty!" which is my new motto, as well as "pants before tights" and "don't eat lightbulbs" Jedward choose Perry and Amara to compete in the final Twin-Off (whatever THAT will entail...)

9:22 PHONE LINES ARE CLOSED, YO!

9:23 AD BREAK! Time for me to top up my glass of red, and to beg for your love and attention. I grew up in the North East, in a mine, so I crave any and all approval. Pop down to the comment box, and say HELLO or CALL THIS JOURNALISM or FREEGUCCIAPPLEIPHONE!!! or, in fact, anything. also, have a wee, coz that is what ad breaks are for.

9:26 that Haribo advert makes me want to kill myself and everyone I love.

9:27 There be a twist a-coming Course there's a twist, this is like a Shyamalan movie  with all the twisty twists going on.

9:28 The Twin-Off is all about Jedward prodding and touching one 'twin' while the other one uses their "twintuition" to work out wht they're being prodded with. It is weird, and a bit like a game I payed at an Ann Summers party once.  You know, at Ann Summers parties, they turn the vibrators on and make you press the end to your nose. It's highly upsetting and quite frankly, I am far too delicate a flower for that sort of shenanigans. Perry win the twin-off!

9:34 ARGH! Internet outage! Jesus! The Universe doesn't want me to do this liveblog, eh?

9:35 Pamela is recounting a horrible story about her almost-fatal motorbike accident, and Lucien just starts laughing at her. Then he runs away. Then he comes back. Then he STARS LAUGHING AGAIN. Jesus, lucien. I know Pamela's a weird bore, but come ON! Stop giggling!

9:37 Brian talks to the house. He doesn't tellt ehm not to swear coz it's channel 5 innit.

9:38 PAMELA IS OUT OF THERE! So long, Pam!

9:39 Oh dear, that is a lot of booing, eh It's OK, though, some bright spark drowns out the booing with one of the few Katy Perry songs that don't suck. AD BREAK! Collect your thoughts and pour yourself a stiff one. You're going to need it; Brian's about to interview Pamela...

9:45 Pamela gets to sit through the uncomfortable "here's who voted for you!" bit. Poor Pamela. Luckily, she seems to pay as much attention to it as she does to most things (not much) Jedward were the only housemate(s) that didn't vote for Pam. Bless Jedward, eh

9:47 Pamela's not exactly the most...articulate of interviewees. Mind, Brian is giving his all. Ah! Now some footage of Pamela sleep-talking. I mentioned Tim Henman once, in sleep-talk, and my then-boyfriend cried. What an idiot.

9:50 Pamela's fave catchphrase is........"breath in God, breathe out Love" We don't love it. We prefer "always classy never nasty!"

9:53! TWIST TIME! OMG! Pamela gets to put up HALF OF THE REMAINING HOUSEMATES FOR EVICTION by saving the other half! OH MY SHITTY WELLIES!

9:54 She can't change her mind once she names someone. It's like in CHESS! She chooses to SAVE: Jedward (YEAH!), Paddy, Amy (shu'uuuuuup!) annnnnd Kerry (who is getting a LOT of love from the live audience...)

9:55 SO! Darryn, Bobby, Lucien and Tara are up for eviction. Darryn to go, blates. Or Bobby, if people remembe who he is.The eviction will be ON FRIDAY, kidz! The phone lines are OPEN and you are voting to SAVE!

9:56 Christ alMIGHTY, that was a very exciting twist. Almost wet myself, didn't I!? Get thee on over to Big Brother's Bit on the Side, for more of Pamela's lucid interviewing!

I will probably be liveblogging on friday too, I am THAT COMMITTED to reality telly.