Like X Men's Cyclops, she cannot remove her protective headgarment for fear of revealing her dastardly plans before they are complete
It's a little known fact, but her eyes are actually made of solid blue cobalt mined from the planet Hungryanus, which when unleashed in fury, shoot a laser stright into the human soul, unwittingly persuading us mortals to have a bleached suedehead and dance to self indulgent, auto tuned crappy music.
True story.





COMMENTS (18)
And the lord said; let their be lulz
Fucking hell I knew Man Utd had a defensive crisis but I didn't know Wes Brown was having chemotherapy!
Am I alone in wondering who she actually is? I mean, I know she's pretending to fuck Kanye in a mutually beneficial charade but apart from that, what does she do?
She's a fucking nobody like 99% of the people HM sucks off on this site. They're 'famous' for knocking about with wankers, and that's about it. Makes you weep for mankind, really.
In a bid to rake in advertising pounds to fund sycophantic television ventures completely at odds with the editorial stance that this site was founded upon HM will now churn any shit to keep his traffic up. This site is a fucking sell-out.
"Oh, I fucking hate celebrities me, total bastards. What about those cunts hey? Always with their schmoozing and their insincerity... now any chance I can set up a shit video interview with The Saturdays so my fey, mop-headed cunt of a presenter, can prance about being ironic?"
Bag. of. shite.
Yeah, what IS with all the stuff about the Saturdays HM? They're shit, practically unheard of by anyone over 16 and get most of their recognition by showing their gussets and falling out of shit nightclubs. You used to spew bile about people like this or at least ignore them. Is it true? Have you sold your soul to the devil for a free Wii and a lifetime supply of Red Bull?
Of course he fucking has - every man has his price, and for the Derbyshire man it's a packet of B&H superkings and a crate of blue WKD. I mean, you can't claim all celebs are dull retards with the talent of a spoon and the likeability of arse cancer, but the 99% here are pretty much on that button.
Welcome to the world of corporate cocksucking
Shut up James you sad fuck. Oh boo hoo, this site isn't the same as it was 7 years ago boo hoo.
touched that horribly exposed raw nerve again.
ps. "in spades" is not racist in the context i used it, you coward.
I was wondering how long it would be before Mr "Oh-shit, what about my banner revenue" Holy Moly removed that.
And yes, it isn't the same as it was 7 years ago... it's shit and you've shown yourself to be the cunt you've probably always been.
Okay, the site isn't the same but why the abuse? If it pisses you off this much, shouldn't you just go elsewhere? Let's face it, HM isn't claiming to be Private Eye is it? It's a gossip site. I think some perspective is needed. After all, if you think you could do better, you're free to go ahead and try.
I'm not sure I like the site as much as I used to but calling HM a cunt for doing his job is just unneccessary. The problem with the internet is that any twat thinks their voice suddenly matters. And yes, I'm aware of the irony there before one of you Einsteins so cleverly points it out to me.
Actually I was going to say something along the lines of empty vessels and most noise, but then the irony fucking sent me sprawling
Fuck it I'm off to the Closer \ Heat \ Now magazine website
That Amber wotshername is a right ugly cunt ain't she?
Derbyshire, really? omg, Derby, Notts?
I'll be too scared to go out soon
I live in Derby, and did see someone wearing a HM t-shirt the other day. Hmmm. It would explain the general bitterness on this 'ere site.
Mr. HM says...
Shut up James you sad fuck. Oh boo hoo, this site isn't the same as it was 7 years ago boo hoo.
Just to clarify this precedent you've just set for us all.
We can now use known first names of moles?
Ty.
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