The world is in collective mourning as Ashley and Cheryl Cole's divorce is set to be finalised at the High Court today. The process to dissolve their marriage began about thirty three minutes ago and the couple are expected to be granted a decree absolute after six weeks...

Cherly filed for divorce on the grounds of unreasonable behaviour after Cole sent sexy snaps of his cock to numerous women including one Sonia Wild (NSFW) and after allegedly shagging around since 2008.

Cole did the gentlemanly thing for the first time in their four year marriage and accepted responsibility for, er, taking sexy snaps of his cock and shagging around since 2008.

A source, clearly made up as no one talks like this, said:

"Cheryl is in the States but is watching things very closely. She is relieved and pleased things have progressed significantly since her illness. She just wants to move on with her life and getting the divorce done will end a very painful chapter.

"It must not be forgotten Cheryl did not ask for this - the last thing she expected was to be a divorcee at 27. But once she accepted there was no way the marriage could work without the trust destroyed by her husband, the pill was a slightly less bitter one to swallow.

"She and Ashley have no need to stay in touch and all housing and assets will be handled by their legal representatives."

Well, Ian Wright might argue that she did ask for it but after his advice on Haiti and the crisis in Darfur, people lost interest.

Let's all take a moment to reflect upon their once happy union and on what could have been...

*bawls out eyes*