Ashley Cole claims life is ruined, doesn't know who to blame

7 Cheryl Cole looking sad in the car advert Aimee Walton Vicki Gough

Ashley Cole and Cheryl Cole before separation

Colegate (part 3)

Tue, 02/03/2010 - 11:21 by HM writer

Even though Ashley Cole is now free to send pictures of his cock to all and sundry and sleep with as many glamour models (NSFW), secretaries and hairdressers until his heart is content, the footballer is insisting his life is totally ruined and like, so over...

Cole, who is in an injury clinic in France for a broken ankle, told reporters that he's in a really "dark place" since Cheryl announced their separation last Tuesday.

He whimpered:

"Fucking hell, my life is ruined. I just want to be left alone - everything's gone so wrong."

He then added forlornly:

"I'm meant to be here for treatment."

Hmm, if there was only someone he could blame...

*Gently weeps*

*Ashley plays on loop*

Ashley Cole pictures, Cheryl Cole and Ashley Cole, Cheryl Cole Pictures, Ashley Cole, Cheryl Cole

Comments

Arseley Hole. You absolute fucking pig's twat. If I was allowed a 10 second go on Cheryl's norks, I would willingly hacksaw my own todger off afterwards. You stupid, stupid fuckwit.
Sime66 Wed, 03/03/2010 - 00:57
WTF? That's the first thing I noticed. Now I don't believe anything's real.
whatthe. Tue, 02/03/2010 - 21:35
Maybe Lady Gayga could offer him an opening? Although he would probably feel emasculated by 'her'.
spandex Tue, 02/03/2010 - 17:04
Agreed. The acid lemon version is still let's say, highly theatrical. Who photo-shopped the Ashley? This is the real story.
kittyk Tue, 02/03/2010 - 15:48
Why, though? Still looks like something onlly a 'mo would wear.
freethepaedos Tue, 02/03/2010 - 15:45
The pink coloured cardi has been changed in case people discover the real reason it is all over. You're welcome.
kittyk Tue, 02/03/2010 - 15:40
It's called fucking Karma for the way you fucked Arsenal over to get a few extra grand per week for your average playing "skills", you cunt. You're not that fucking good anyway, you and Terry deserve all the shit
koshmar Tue, 02/03/2010 - 15:16
How is his life ruined?
He fucked up by sending pictures of his beany-man to other women. What's he moaning for? No-one forced him to do it. He should call Stan Collymore to kick some sense into him.
PuddyTwat Tue, 02/03/2010 - 15:15
The pikey chav has washed the fucking colour out of it
koshmar Tue, 02/03/2010 - 15:15
I wish he'd disappear and never play for England again, the ugly scrotum.
kermits Tue, 02/03/2010 - 15:14
I think it's as close as Mopsa can get to originality?
erniemilko Tue, 02/03/2010 - 14:58
What has happened to Ashley's beautiful PINK polo neck?
AllyFarrell Tue, 02/03/2010 - 14:11
Somewhere down the line, ALL of us will probably end up with Jordan - the cunt that consumed the world.
jiggerycock Tue, 02/03/2010 - 14:09
Anyone see Panorama last night? Homeless crack addicts in South Africa playing football and trying to escape the unbelievable squalor. So Ashley Cole's life is over? Forgive me if I don't shed too many tears for him. What a fucking waste of skin.
psammmead Tue, 02/03/2010 - 12:23
pic 1 - you've changed the colour of his beautiful cardigan. why would you do that? don't mess with perfection.
paxtonwhitehead Tue, 02/03/2010 - 11:49
feel the pain ashley, feel it good. You fucked up and no self respecting bird will ever take you on. Somewhere down the line you will probably end up with jordan. How the fuck did that happen ashley - eh?
elbow Tue, 02/03/2010 - 11:44

feel the pain ashley, feel it good. You fucked up and no self respecting bird will ever take you on. Somewhere down the line you will probably end up with jordan. How the fuck did that happen ashley - eh?
elbow Tue, 02/03/2010 - 11:44
pic 1 - you've changed the colour of his beautiful cardigan. why would you do that? don't mess with perfection.
paxtonwhitehead Tue, 02/03/2010 - 11:49
Anyone see Panorama last night? Homeless crack addicts in South Africa playing football and trying to escape the unbelievable squalor. So Ashley Cole's life is over? Forgive me if I don't shed too many tears for him. What a fucking waste of skin.
psammmead Tue, 02/03/2010 - 12:23
Somewhere down the line, ALL of us will probably end up with Jordan - the cunt that consumed the world.
jiggerycock Tue, 02/03/2010 - 14:09
What has happened to Ashley's beautiful PINK polo neck?
AllyFarrell Tue, 02/03/2010 - 14:11
I think it's as close as Mopsa can get to originality?
erniemilko Tue, 02/03/2010 - 14:58
I wish he'd disappear and never play for England again, the ugly scrotum.
kermits Tue, 02/03/2010 - 15:14
The pikey chav has washed the fucking colour out of it
koshmar Tue, 02/03/2010 - 15:15
How is his life ruined?
He fucked up by sending pictures of his beany-man to other women. What's he moaning for? No-one forced him to do it. He should call Stan Collymore to kick some sense into him.
PuddyTwat Tue, 02/03/2010 - 15:15
It's called fucking Karma for the way you fucked Arsenal over to get a few extra grand per week for your average playing "skills", you cunt. You're not that fucking good anyway, you and Terry deserve all the shit
koshmar Tue, 02/03/2010 - 15:16
The pink coloured cardi has been changed in case people discover the real reason it is all over. You're welcome.
kittyk Tue, 02/03/2010 - 15:40
Why, though? Still looks like something onlly a 'mo would wear.
freethepaedos Tue, 02/03/2010 - 15:45
Agreed. The acid lemon version is still let's say, highly theatrical. Who photo-shopped the Ashley? This is the real story.
kittyk Tue, 02/03/2010 - 15:48
Maybe Lady Gayga could offer him an opening? Although he would probably feel emasculated by 'her'.
spandex Tue, 02/03/2010 - 17:04
WTF? That's the first thing I noticed. Now I don't believe anything's real.
whatthe. Tue, 02/03/2010 - 21:35
Arseley Hole. You absolute fucking pig's twat. If I was allowed a 10 second go on Cheryl's norks, I would willingly hacksaw my own todger off afterwards. You stupid, stupid fuckwit.
Sime66 Wed, 03/03/2010 - 00:57