Aren't film festivals wonderful? It finally allows actors and actresses a chance to watch their own performances and those of their peers, for free. Plus, if you're the kind of person who would download a car, kidnap a child or sponsor a terrorist, it also gives the thousands upon thousands of internet pirates (they still have ponytails, beards, and gingevitis but are less well armed than the real thing) a chance to provide you with exactly the same service.

Of course, if you take advantage of this awful, awful service, you are literally stealing the food out of thousands of the Weinstein's swan's beaks, and Leprechaun fingers don't come cheap.

In fact, this is one of the reasons we admire A-list actors and actresses so much. They all know what's going on, they know their films are being watched for free, left, right and centre, yet they still put on a shit-eating grin for us, their loyal fans. So brave.

So here we have the Berlin Film Festival, and what are quite possibly the best quality pics we've seen for quite a while. For some reason in Germany it seems the paps are allowed to get within inches of the stars to take pictures. You can even see the milk on Kevin Spacey's lip. Kevin Spacey's Milky Lip. Sounds a bit like a folk band from the Midlands.

Anyway, aside from the unexplained presence of retired spaceman Buzz Aldrin, it seems like the most interesting thing going on here is Boris Becker's possible argument with his wife. We say argument, because we don't want to think of any of the other possibilities for her fingers being up near her mouth like that. Not on the Continent anyway.