It may make him sound like some kind of priest, but Elton should now officially be known as 'Father John'. Well, sort of. The birth certificate for Elton John and David Furnish's recently born surrogate child has been leaked to the public, and it states the singer as the father and, err, the other one as the mother. Although we reckon Furnish has been playing mother to Elton for the last five years anyway...

The NOTW has got a hold of the birth certificate, which clearly shows Elton's name under the section labelled 'Father/Parent' and David's name under the 'Mother/Parent' section. Of course, they could have just been a rush and scribbled down any name on a first come-first serve basis. But we reckon it's pretty obvious that Elton's the Daddy and Furnish is the Mummy.

The complicatedly named Zachary Jackson-Levon Furnish-John was brought into this dark and dangerous world by a surrogate mother in California on Christmas Day. But it'll be a good few years before the poor boy realises that he lives on a planet full of horrible cynics like us who are about to criticise his parents for being too old...

Yes, we are of course very happy for Elton and David and congratulate them on the birth of their son. After all, babies are great (until they start shitting all over your Macbook Pro). However, we can't help but think that the couple are a bit too grey and old to start bringing up children. Well, we could help but think it, but we thought we'd tell you anyway.

David's currently 48, so he'll be hitting 70 by the time Zach reaches the age of 20 and starts hanging out at Grouchos with his best bud/lover Cruz Beckham. Elton, on the other hand, is currently 63, meaning it'll almost be time for him to celebrate his 85th birthday once his boy's entered adulthood. With the average life expectancy at 80, we can't help but feel for young Zach who will no doubt have to spend most of his life being mothered by Elizabeth Hurley.

And we wouldn't wish that on anyone.