There must be a competition between PR agents as to who can get the most low-grade z-list celebs into a club at once. No-one above z-list are allowed, and ideally it won't even make the Metro. Extra points are added if you manage it without the Hollyoaks cast. We'd say no Big Brother contestants either, but that would exclude a significant portion of people out in London on any given night. 

Brylcreem set the bar particularly high last night when they invited Aisleyne Horgan-Wallace (and she can shove that hyphen up her mumbler as well), Nikki Grahame, Brian Friedman, Ricky Norwood and Kevin Pietersen.

Best of all though were the contortionists. Michelle Heaton has become so finely attuned to a flashing camera she can now rotate her torso a full 45 degrees further than was considered physically possible, just so we can all see her long boat-like face below the headline 'What does she even fucking do?". 

Meanwhile everyone's favourite protoWAG Liz Cundy and some woman called Carmit Bachar looked like they were trying to give themselves a Chelsea smile, purely by using the power of positive thinking and a small vat of botox.