The world's population almost collapsed from shock following Celebrity Big Brother contestant and former lover of Ronnie Wood Katia Ivanova's allegation that she and Wood did cocaine together and that he offered her drugs on the first night that they met. Because we'd never have guessed in a million of years that theirs was a relationship based on alcohol and drug abuse.

Katia, 21, who recently called Wood a "goblin king" in an interview with Hello! magazine, described the moment they met (and it was like a scene straight out of 'Love Actually) and explained:

"I sat next to him with a cigarette and dropped some ash on his trousers. He said, 'You've ashed on my trousers'. I looked him up and down and said, "I don't give a f**k". He just went, "I love you". Basically I was rude, he was kind of sleazy and we kind of bounced off each other."

And the deal was sealed once the cocaine came out (allegedly), adding:

"I don't know whose coke it was but it just appeared on the table and Ronnie did some and so did I. Maybe four of five lines.

"I ended up passing out in his bed, but we spent the next two days together. It was very touchy feely but nothing happened between us. I did fancy him. I liked arrogant guys in bands with tight jeans and he was the ultimate guy in a band."

But Katia has insisted that the relationship was deep and meaningful, and that they even discussed babies and marriage (but probably only when they were completely off their faces).

"We spoke about getting married. If his divorce had come through we might have just got married there and then. And we talked about babies. We'd mess around and say that if we had a boy we'd call him Ivan Ivanova Wood and if  we had a girl it could be Holly Wood."

But although it's likely they had sex, even though we thought they'd have been too pissed to do anything other than the occasional drunken frotting and fumbling, Katia lied through her teeth:

"It started off really exciting. His body is very good for his age and he was very youthful in bed. But towards the end it got into a routine, especially as he was always drunk."

Oh please, God stop.

"He'd try it on with me and his breath smelt of rum, which I hated. Sometimes I'd go through the motions but sometimes I'd just push him off. I'd stopped fancying him."