Who could have guessed the relationship between Chanelle Hayes and Jack Tweed would be such a tale of intrigue, deceit and deep, impassioned love? They're like a modern day Romeo and Juliet, except Romeo's been arrested for rape and Juliet's had another man's baby, and they're not star-crossed, it's entirely their own fault, plus Mark Wright makes a terrible Mercutio since he actively encourages Romeo Tweed to fight. But those minor points aside, it's probably the most tragically romantic story we ever did hear.

Of course, like any Shakespearian couple, Jack and Chanelle have evil forces keeping them apart, which in this case is a combination of Jack's wandering one-eyed python and, unfortunately, Chanelle's intense hatred of Jack. Not to worry though, according to a recent interview with New!, they'll be back in each other arms before you can say Chantelle and Preston:

'We split up for a matter of days and that was it. He’s come up to see me, if not every week, then every other week.'  

Apparently Jack saying he didn't think they were in a relationship was a porkie-pie:

'Yeah, I think it’s absolutely ridiculous because he did.  He doesn’t have the best reputation… The thing is, I haven’t had the easiest time with the press, either, so I thought I’d give him the benefit of the doubt. I’ve learned my lesson.'

Chanelle playing hard to get?

'Absolutely not. I don’t want anything to do with him ever again. I don’t want him to have anything to do with Blakely. One day, I want to turn round and do this to him. Karma.'

Finally, her thoughts on The Only Way Is Essex's Mark Wright...

'He used to chat me up every week when I lived in London. He might have seen me, but he would have only seen me running out of the door. They’re both as bad as each other. They don’t live in the real world. It’s like no actions have consequences, and they think they can treat women however they want.'

Shocking. Can't wait until next weeks installment.