In Superman III it was scientifically proven without a shadow of a doubt that someone's good and evil sides could by physically split into two seperate entities. After several minutes of fairly unambitious and unimaginative research we here at HM believe this may have happened again. We've come to the conclusion that Chanelle Hayes and Chantelle Houghton were originally the same person, but were split by some cosmic event into a good person and an evil person, both equally stupid, but diametrically opposed morally. It's difficult to figure out what their original name was, but we think Chantelle Hayeston seems likely. That or Sarah Finnegan. Seriously, it could be anything. 

Not that any of that matters right at this moment, but we'll probably come back to it at some later date for a full investigation (or whatever the HM equivalent of that is). What's important now is Chanelle and her monumentally silly mouth. Apparently the mother-of-one and long-term owner of a lonely heart has been harping on about her weight again, as if what she said the last time wasn't stupid enough. (Via Closer)

‘I’m 9st now and a size eight, but I want to lose another stone at least and drop down to a size 6.’

 

‘I’d have a gastric band if doctors would let me. I’ve already asked – I begged!’

 

‘There’s something called a hypno band where they hypnotise you into thinking you’ve got a band, and I’d like to have a go at that.’

Surely being hypnotised into thinking 9st isn't fat would be a better idea? Oh well. Either way, she seems to have decided that if she can't physically restrict her stomach the next best way to lose weight is to let professional parasite Jack Tweed suck all that heavy, fatty joy out of her, so is now going out with him again.

Pretty evil/stupid huh? Well, hopefully the showdown between her and Chantelle is now well on the way as they both realise the only way they can function as human beings is to reform their progenitor, Sarah Finnegan. Maybe Rav will help. Who knows. Or cares, for that matter.

Incidentally, we'd like to apologise for the clip below. We tried to take one from Youtube, but they all had embedding switched off, which for all you non-technical types out there means they don't like sharing with people like us. So we had to take it from some Bulgarian site. As you may expect, it's not as fast as it could be...