Cheryl Cole is back in the UK, advice from Ian Wright

9 Cheryl Cole arrives back at Heathrow to divorce Ashley Cheryl Cole arrives back at Heathrow to divorce Ashley advert Cheryl Cole arrives back at Heathrow to divorce Ashley Cheryl Cole arrives back at Heathrow to divorce Ashley Cheryl Cole arrives back at Heathrow to divorce Ashley Cheryl Cole arrives back at Heathrow to divorce Ashley advert Cheryl Cole arrives back at Heathrow to divorce Ashley Cheryl Cole arrives back at Heathrow to divorce Ashley

Cheryl Cole arrives back at Heathrow to divorce Ashley

The Wrong Stuff

Tue, 23/02/2010 - 14:21 by Mr. HM

Cheryl Cole has just arrived back in London and an announcement on the looming divorce from husband Ashley is widely expected at any second. But wait Cheryl, someone has some advice for you...

No word of a lie, the following words were printed in The Sun today, who presumably paid Ian Wright to write (or more likely spend 3 minutes on the phone to a junior who then had to type it all up). In his column Ian decides to offer his wisdom on marriage to the great British public.

"I know Ashley, and would like to see his marriage survive. I am sure 'Brand Cheryl' will be advising her to ditch the bloke immediately. But I would like them to give it one last go with a marriage counsellor.

Some people will say he is a piece of s**t. Equally, there are two sides to every story. There have been two totally unrelated women who have said how intimate he was with them.

Something was obviously missing from his relationship at home, so he has decided to go elsewhere. Maybe Cheryl has been at fault as well, with her work in a band, on hit TV shows and flying all over the world.

It seems Ashley may have felt lonely and neglected and this might have been the reason why he has had to look further afield."

Amazing. Next week, Ian Wright tackles Haiti:

"What Haiti needs is a really big crane and broom, as big as the moon, they can then pick all the stuff up with it. Then if everyone on the planet spent 15 minutes helping them clean up, we'd have it right as rain in no time! Madness innit! So Simple!"

Anyway, nice of Cheryl to put her secret agent disguise on - no-one knew she was there!

Celebrity Split, Cheryl Cole and Ashley Cole, Cheryl Cole Pictures, Ashley Cole, Cheryl Cole, Ian Wright

Comments

Holy Gordon Bennett! What sort of language is that Reverend Custer? "Tits?" and "Fuck a duck?" Are you sure you're a priest (adopts 'watchoo talkin' about Willis' type face)
PuddyTwat Wed, 24/02/2010 - 13:12
Ian Wright is the new Chuck Norris.
PuddyTwat Wed, 24/02/2010 - 13:09
Maybe Cheryl is too much of one woman for Ashley. He likes his women to have a cock.
dandyboy Wed, 24/02/2010 - 02:31
Ian???? Why do you keep saying things in public? Oh God he's off again.....

"Maybe Cheryl is just too much of one woman for Ashley. He likes his women to be at least ten women. She should try harder to be a legion of slags at once. She's just rubbish...."

Women eh? Maybe Ian's right? Wright?
Urfugginjokin Wed, 24/02/2010 - 01:54
It takes a cunt to know a cunt....
ladypenelope Tue, 23/02/2010 - 21:55
He wasn't getting his kicks apparently.
elbow Tue, 23/02/2010 - 17:27
Well if you count executing the Heimlich Maneouvre and shouting 'Brace yourself, this is going to be the best five seconds of your life' as foreplay, then call me Mister G-Spots.
jiggerycock Tue, 23/02/2010 - 17:22
"Something was obviously missing from his relationship at home, "

A man about the house?
stella ah trois Tue, 23/02/2010 - 17:06
Hey - by that analysis, HM should get some money from the public coffers.
stella ah trois Tue, 23/02/2010 - 16:43
You old romantic - you do foreplay? I like you better by the day.
stella ah trois Tue, 23/02/2010 - 16:42
Do you know that poxy show he does on Channel 5 with the bird who used to get her tits out and the one who's famous for not being good enough ? The only reason they make that fucking shit-shower is because they are contractually obliged to have a certain % of news / current affairs programs in return for some public funding. So apparently watching these 3 gibbering fuckwits discuss the gossip pages of The Sun & The Mirror counts as news. Fuck a duck.
The Rev Jesse Custer Tue, 23/02/2010 - 16:21
Ian Wright and Tackling don't belong in the same sentence, hanging about the box hoping for a poachers goal maybe but tackling never.
hamstir Tue, 23/02/2010 - 15:44
ian wright, right, write!
unseemlydogposture Tue, 23/02/2010 - 15:34
His views on the relief effort in Dafur are enlightening
merylhighground Tue, 23/02/2010 - 14:51
Next Week - "Wrighty Reunites The Atom!"
allmouthandtrousers Tue, 23/02/2010 - 14:45
Something was missing from his relationship at home?

I should coco!! 'Foreplay' for starters, if his idea on how to get a woman frothing at the gash is to text her pictures of his wang.
jiggerycock Tue, 23/02/2010 - 14:43
Listen to Ian Wright! Mind you I s'pose he would know. He came through his own dirty and landed a TV career and a stint with The Sun. As for his wife, fuck knows what happened to her. Oddly enough she looks similar to the toilet attendant Cheryl punched. Funny old world.
PuddyTwat Tue, 23/02/2010 - 14:33

Listen to Ian Wright! Mind you I s'pose he would know. He came through his own dirty and landed a TV career and a stint with The Sun. As for his wife, fuck knows what happened to her. Oddly enough she looks similar to the toilet attendant Cheryl punched. Funny old world.
PuddyTwat Tue, 23/02/2010 - 14:33
Something was missing from his relationship at home?

I should coco!! 'Foreplay' for starters, if his idea on how to get a woman frothing at the gash is to text her pictures of his wang.
jiggerycock Tue, 23/02/2010 - 14:43
Next Week - "Wrighty Reunites The Atom!"
allmouthandtrousers Tue, 23/02/2010 - 14:45
His views on the relief effort in Dafur are enlightening
merylhighground Tue, 23/02/2010 - 14:51
ian wright, right, write!
unseemlydogposture Tue, 23/02/2010 - 15:34
Ian Wright and Tackling don't belong in the same sentence, hanging about the box hoping for a poachers goal maybe but tackling never.
hamstir Tue, 23/02/2010 - 15:44
Do you know that poxy show he does on Channel 5 with the bird who used to get her tits out and the one who's famous for not being good enough ? The only reason they make that fucking shit-shower is because they are contractually obliged to have a certain % of news / current affairs programs in return for some public funding. So apparently watching these 3 gibbering fuckwits discuss the gossip pages of The Sun & The Mirror counts as news. Fuck a duck.
The Rev Jesse Custer Tue, 23/02/2010 - 16:21
You old romantic - you do foreplay? I like you better by the day.
stella ah trois Tue, 23/02/2010 - 16:42
Hey - by that analysis, HM should get some money from the public coffers.
stella ah trois Tue, 23/02/2010 - 16:43
"Something was obviously missing from his relationship at home, "

A man about the house?
stella ah trois Tue, 23/02/2010 - 17:06
Well if you count executing the Heimlich Maneouvre and shouting 'Brace yourself, this is going to be the best five seconds of your life' as foreplay, then call me Mister G-Spots.
jiggerycock Tue, 23/02/2010 - 17:22
He wasn't getting his kicks apparently.
elbow Tue, 23/02/2010 - 17:27
It takes a cunt to know a cunt....
ladypenelope Tue, 23/02/2010 - 21:55
Ian???? Why do you keep saying things in public? Oh God he's off again.....

"Maybe Cheryl is just too much of one woman for Ashley. He likes his women to be at least ten women. She should try harder to be a legion of slags at once. She's just rubbish...."

Women eh? Maybe Ian's right? Wright?
Urfugginjokin Wed, 24/02/2010 - 01:54
Maybe Cheryl is too much of one woman for Ashley. He likes his women to have a cock.
dandyboy Wed, 24/02/2010 - 02:31
Ian Wright is the new Chuck Norris.
PuddyTwat Wed, 24/02/2010 - 13:09
Holy Gordon Bennett! What sort of language is that Reverend Custer? "Tits?" and "Fuck a duck?" Are you sure you're a priest (adopts 'watchoo talkin' about Willis' type face)
PuddyTwat Wed, 24/02/2010 - 13:12