The nation will be crowded round their television sets this evening to support their sweetheart, as she cries her eyes out to Piers Morgan for being so fickle in ever thinking that Ashley Cole would be faithful to her. But, in the meantime, Cheryl's been blubbing to The Sun about her relentless trauma, announcing that she's had "the worst year in her life ever".

We're not going to lie, Chezza's been through a lot recently - first, being fucked over by her scumbag of a husband, and then being fucked over by some scumbag mosquitos and contracting malaria. But we hope that, after tonight, we'll never have to see the headlines "Ah still luv meh Ash" or "Meh muleria hell" on the front pages of the rags ever again.

In her interview with The Sun yesterday, she told them how going through a divorce was "the worst thing in the world", explaining:

"When your heart is breaking... it doesn't make a difference what car you drive, what house you have, all of that."

Obviously implying that, when your heart isn't breaking, it does make a difference if you own a shiny sports car and a fifty-floored mansion.

Discussing her near-death experience, she told how she only had 24 hours to live and thought "if it's going to happen, just hurry up". Can you imagine the funeral parade for Cheryl Cole? It would trump Diana's a million times over.

She prompted us to grab the tissues with her final line, admitting:

"It has been non-stop tears. Just too much. It has been the worst year, the worst in my life ever."

So if you're a fan of sleazy, slimy, despicable cunts squeezing tear after tear out of emotional Geordies then don't forget to tune into ITV at 10pm this evening.