As far as irritating couples go, Courteney Cox and David Arquette have to be up there with the best of them. Especially when they're airing all their marital problems in public specifically to promote their new film, Scream 4. That's right, we said it. The separation and all the other nonsense that we've read about them are just pieces in their elaborate PR puzzle! Ah ha! It's just non-stop mystery solving here at HMHQ.

There's a small possibility we may have misjusdged the situation; overcooked our sausages, if you'll pardon my French. Seems unlikely though. Not really our style to make extravagant claims with absolutely no evidence to back them up. Especially on a Friday.

Anyway, the hottest, most excitingest story to come out from the rancid Cox-Arquette newsgroin is that of David's obsession. An obsession that took him to Disneyworld and a hospital. An obsession so overwhelming that Courteney had to speak about it. On satellite radio. (Via Howard Stern's show):

“This is one of our problems in our relationship…whenever I would need consoling from David…he could not literally put his arm round me for one second without completely getting a boner!”

 

It was like ‘oh, I’m so sorry your dad’s dying…can we fuck?’

 

“That’s the truth!”

What a bad man. Apparently though she doesn't mind his eleventh finger making its way into every conversation, because he's so funny and his beard looks a bit like he's planted each hair individually:

David is so funny. He's a showman, he knows what he's doing. He's having fun,'

 

'And David has such a big heart, so even if he says things that are like, 'Wow, really? You had to tell the whole world?', it's alright. I don't know why but I don't have a problem with it.

 

'We're in a really good place - probably the best we've ever been. We've got such huge amounts of affection for each other, and we have 15 years of memories.

 

'I don't know what will happen - but he will always be my guy, y'know?' 

Booooooooring. Talk more about how he tried to stick a pinkie up your bottom during the wedding ceremony, or that time he put his penis in a sandwich and tried to serve it to you in front of your parents. Go on Coxy, tell us.

EDIT: Hohoho. Didn't realise the 'pink' in 'pinkie' would link to the singer. Somehow that joke just kicked into turbo mode.