Sniper rifle and scope?
Nah, you want a Snub Nosed.22 with Dum-Dum Bullets and take a bit of powder out of the cartridge as well.
Snub nose revolver is easy to hide.
Revolver means no bullets stuck in the chamber
Go for a Head Shot up close, no mistaking victim, you don't miss the target..
.22 bullet enters the head and bounces round inside making a right mess and ensuring a kill, no through and through.
Dum-Dum round makes MORE of a mess.
Less powder in the round makes less noise, no-one else hears, no witnesses.
Can I have 4 targets?
1] Peaches Geldof ( Pixie as well in a two for one deal?)
2]Kelly Osbourne (Fuck it - ALL the Osbournes- apart from eldest daughter and Ozzy, obvs)
3] Cheryl fucking Cole (Unless she renounces her solo career and joins Girls Aloud in their sabbatical tout suite)
4] Simon cunting Cowell (Even if he announces all of his shows have been taken off air FOR EVER and he will forthwith retire from public view and makes sure NONE of his "stars" ever record or release a record ever again)

Agreed cockney accent does not = hardman but my appreciation of Danny Dyer is based on the fact that he knows he is a massive prick and yet he plays up to it more & more and this in turn encourages the "Deadliest Men" (see: ex-cons after cash) to become even more comedy parodies of themselves......but then other times you can see the look in their eyes that says "who the fuck are you ? if these fucking cameras weren't here I'd knock you out and fuck you in the face" all the while Dyer is blissfully unaware

Fuck yes. Oh happy day. That would be the one and only Children In Need I'd watch.

3 bullets? No comebacks? OK...

GW Bush, no question, got to put one in that cunt's skull just for the principle of it, mainly because he's a Yank politician and also because I'd be give the keys to most of the cities on Earth east of Chelmsford.

Henry Kissinger, for the same reason, though I'd probably do him in the back of the neck just to watch the cunt suffer.

And finally, Paris Hilton. I'm not one to espouse the joys of beating up the fairer sex but if there was anyone more deserving of a bullet to the boat race it's her. Mainly because she's a stupid spoiled little shithouse, but also because of what she represents.

No good shooting Jade Goody for the same reason, she's already dead.

Well you did ask. Don't fucking complain either, because I might get four bullets by mistake, and I'm in a shooting mood.

My friend and I had a college game called Plane Crash, much the same idea as the bus.
We'd spend ours filling it with people, and then smile as we imagined them all ploughing into a mountain.
Hours of fun..
Jordan is going in for a start. Minge faced twat bucket.

1) Paul Ross
2) Paul Ross
2) Paul Ross

Long time coming you smug talentless prick

Fuck this "red dot or scopes" shit. Get up close and personal, the muzzle 2 cm off the soft part behind the ear and off you go.

As for Danny Dyer, he plays an alleged hardman in a movie and you all think he's Mike Tyson. He's a cockney geezer who's about as hard as... Ross Kemp. Fucking hell, try to keep realityworld well separated from actorworld, eh?? Note to all: cockney accent ≠ hard case

. . . and now I think of it, put the fucking moron who writes his "jokes" on it as well.

Bruce Forsyth. It would be a merciful release. For him and us.

Perfect, if it's for charideeee Chris Martin will be chomping at the (vegan) bit to be on there

Sounds like an excellent idea to energise the increasingly moribund 'Children In Need' telethon next year.

The look on Jonathan Ross' face as he announces he himself is top of the list that members of the general public have bid to be first seat on the 'Krakatoa Death Bus', would be pricesless!

Sold ! right who's next ? in fact fuck it.....I'm putting that cunt Perez Hilton in the space they reserve for the spacca's

I can appreciate what you say about Chris Martin but there is something so ultimately cunty about him and also "Apple" & "Moses" ??? do me a fucking lemon you smug pair of wankers ! So yes it may be controversial but he's staying at the top of the list....I also take offence at the way he plays the piano like he's having a fucking eppy

gok wang? you go girlfriend...

Good start, anyone want to nominate a conductor ?

Cliff Richard to drive the bus? We know he's capable.

Hold on if we can have people from adverts then I'm gonna have to reconsider.....also 3 is not enough. Can I introduce to the concept of "The Bus", the rules are simple

* You have a single decker bus
* You are able to populate the bus with people
* The bus is then driven into an active volcano

Simples (that fucking meerkat is the hood ornament on my bus)

hang about...ive never considered non-celebrities in this game...
In which case the spacker that does "we buy any car dot com we buy any car dot com" is in trouble...

would sir care for a red dot sight or thermal scope attachment?
I must say they are some pretty leftfield suggestions from you MJ- I mean what has chris martin ever done to you? All he wants is to keep trade fair and help the starving and its a well known fact that he donates a large portion of his salary to charitable causes and lives like a pauper on the breadline with his hollywood wife and fruit-based children...

would sir care for a red dot sight or thermal scope attachment?
I must say they are some pretty leftfield suggestions from you MJ- I mean what has chris martin ever done to you? All he wants is to keep trade fair and help the starving and its a well known fact that he donates a large portion of his salary to charitable causes and lives like a pauper on the breadline with his hollywood wife and fruit-based children...

oh, let me have a go.

1) leona lewis
2) any rapper with a cunty name
3) that nob who says 'GO COMPARE' with the twatty moustache

Ok I've given this some careful consideration and here are my top 3

1.) Chris Martin
2.) Cheryl Cole
3.) Madonna.

Now give me my gun & bullets

Badger you sound like my missus....however while we're on the subject does anyone fancy joining me on a rampage through an airport gunning down as many innocent civilians as we can ?

On the subject of who my 3 bullets would go to.....this is going to take some time so I will have to get back to you.

I personally think that if every person that posts on this site were to be given 3 bullets we could do some major good in the world and in a twisted kind of way maybe even get that Nobel Peace Prize off of Obama.....

3 Bullets- 3 Kills- No questions asked...Who would you emulsify.....?

MJ- -that was truly spoken like a pro- you've been playing too much call of duty....
Slug: Michael MacIntyre gets round number 3 at the moment although he is constantly switching places with that massive tie-knotted cunt that is Nick Knowles...

Well, as Danny would say...

"I've had me moments. I've had me fucking moments... We'll leave it at that."

Please please please if there is a god, let Alex bump into Danny, Alex beats Danny to a point where he can no longer walk, act or present ever, ever again... then Alex gets run over crossing the road. Badger79 then uses two of his bullets on these to make sure the world is a safer place... Amen

genius? or complete and utter talentless cunt? let the debate commence...

"if you get in bed with the Devil, you’ve got to expect it."

Sorry MJ - just lifting some words of words of wisdom - not stalking you. Just want you to keep up your good ways. Keep up! Phnar Phnar. Sorry.

*Coughs and leaves.

If you're gonna be a pro about it you should really use all 3 on her, 2 in the chest & 1 in the head. Definite kill.

Amanda Holden again. Just to make sure.

And no 3?

According to a BBC report bottling up anger is extremely bad for your health....with this in mind I would suggest that you kill Amanda Holden (possibly with an axe whilst listening to classical music). Let's face it, it's you or her.

p.s I meant "primal" before some pedantic analytical tool corrects me.

I thought you would never ask MJ...
The fact of the matter is that I have a large passionate hatred of Amanda Holden and its going to take a lot to shift her off of the top spot. As you boldly mention...Dyer has unknowing comedy value where as holden just makes the vein on my temple pulsate with priaml rage.....i'm getting angry just thinking about her now...

Begs the question....who get's number 1 ?

If I had 3 bullets...3 shots and 3 kills......Dyer would get the 2nd bullet....

I (controversially) like Danny Dyer, his show "Danny Dyers Deadliest Men" is one of the finest pieces of comedy to hit our screens for many a year.

"Faaack me I tell you what, these geezers don't fack abaaht, they're some proper naughty boys know what I'm saying like"

Genius !