City Twats
Tue, 01/12/2009 - 12:27 by HM writer

If Alex Reid thought the shame of being dumped (just before he was about to propose) live on TV couldn't be matched, well it's just been trumped by Danny Dyer using his latest Zoo magazine column (who knew?) to call him a 'mug' and a 'gezzer who craves fame'. Cor blimey guv and he can rabbit and pork etc, etc...

Yes, Dyer has a column in Zoo and he's written this week (or rambled down the phone, quaffing on his B&H Golds):

"Alex Reid: what a mug. He’s been absolutely ruined on national TV, where Jordan basically gave him the elbow in front of the cameras. But he should have known that was on the cards – if you get in bed with the Devil, you’ve got to expect it."

He added:

"I don’t know the geezer, but he obviously craves fame. To be fair, he’s got it in abundance. It sounds bloody ridiculous, but he’s probably one of the most famous men in the country at the moment, so I can’t imagine he’s too disappointed about being dumped. Look at the kiss-and-tell stories he can sell to the papers. And you know he’s exactly the sort of person who’d do it, too. He won’t fade away with quiet dignity."

We have to agree with him on that bit...

And may we suggest a cage-fighting session to resolve this?

Meanwhile, let's take a look at what Reid is up to...  Do you think he might be trying to tell us something with this carefully staged accidental shot? We're not sure, it's just too subtle.

It had been claimed in his official statement that he was having 'meetings' for the film production of Cage Rage. In which case, why he doesn't he offer Dyer a role, that sort of film sounds right up his frog and toad...

 

 

  • I admire your dedication to the cause Ken, you've earned your extra kill(s)

    MJwasakiddyfiddler Tue, 08/12/2009 - 14:01
  • Sniper rifle and scope?
    Nah, you want a Snub Nosed.22 with Dum-Dum Bullets and take a bit of powder out of the cartridge as well.
    Snub nose revolver is easy to hide.
    Revolver means no bullets stuck in the chamber
    Go for a Head Shot up close, no mistaking victim, you don't miss the target..
    .22 bullet enters the head and bounces round inside making a right mess and ensuring a kill, no through and through.
    Dum-Dum round makes MORE of a mess.
    Less powder in the round makes less noise, no-one else hears, no witnesses.
    Can I have 4 targets?
    1] Peaches Geldof ( Pixie as well in a two for one deal?)
    2]Kelly Osbourne (Fuck it - ALL the Osbournes- apart from eldest daughter and Ozzy, obvs)
    3] Cheryl fucking Cole (Unless she renounces her solo career and joins Girls Aloud in their sabbatical tout suite)
    4] Simon cunting Cowell (Even if he announces all of his shows have been taken off air FOR EVER and he will forthwith retire from public view and makes sure NONE of his "stars" ever record or release a record ever again)

    ken tate Fri, 04/12/2009 - 04:09
  • Agreed cockney accent does not = hardman but my appreciation of Danny Dyer is based on the fact that he knows he is a massive prick and yet he plays up to it more & more and this in turn encourages the "Deadliest Men" (see: ex-cons after cash) to become even more comedy parodies of themselves......but then other times you can see the look in their eyes that says "who the fuck are you ? if these fucking cameras weren't here I'd knock you out and fuck you in the face" all the while Dyer is blissfully unaware

    MJwasakiddyfiddler Wed, 02/12/2009 - 10:01
  • Fuck yes. Oh happy day. That would be the one and only Children In Need I'd watch.

    pandakiller Wed, 02/12/2009 - 01:57
  • 3 bullets? No comebacks? OK...

    GW Bush, no question, got to put one in that cunt's skull just for the principle of it, mainly because he's a Yank politician and also because I'd be give the keys to most of the cities on Earth east of Chelmsford.

    Henry Kissinger, for the same reason, though I'd probably do him in the back of the neck just to watch the cunt suffer.

    And finally, Paris Hilton. I'm not one to espouse the joys of beating up the fairer sex but if there was anyone more deserving of a bullet to the boat race it's her. Mainly because she's a stupid spoiled little shithouse, but also because of what she represents.

    No good shooting Jade Goody for the same reason, she's already dead.

    Well you did ask. Don't fucking complain either, because I might get four bullets by mistake, and I'm in a shooting mood.

    pandakiller Wed, 02/12/2009 - 01:56
  • My friend and I had a college game called Plane Crash, much the same idea as the bus.
    We'd spend ours filling it with people, and then smile as we imagined them all ploughing into a mountain.
    Hours of fun..
    Jordan is going in for a start. Minge faced twat bucket.

    missmonana Wed, 02/12/2009 - 01:16
  • 1) Paul Ross
    2) Paul Ross
    2) Paul Ross

    Long time coming you smug talentless prick

    wantondisregard Tue, 01/12/2009 - 21:50
  • Fuck this "red dot or scopes" shit. Get up close and personal, the muzzle 2 cm off the soft part behind the ear and off you go.

    As for Danny Dyer, he plays an alleged hardman in a movie and you all think he's Mike Tyson. He's a cockney geezer who's about as hard as... Ross Kemp. Fucking hell, try to keep realityworld well separated from actorworld, eh?? Note to all: cockney accent ≠ hard case

    Blartmonster Tue, 01/12/2009 - 21:40
  • . . . and now I think of it, put the fucking moron who writes his "jokes" on it as well.

    Stramash Tue, 01/12/2009 - 17:14
  • Bruce Forsyth. It would be a merciful release. For him and us.

    Stramash Tue, 01/12/2009 - 17:06
  • Perfect, if it's for charideeee Chris Martin will be chomping at the (vegan) bit to be on there

    MJwasakiddyfiddler Tue, 01/12/2009 - 16:44
  • Sounds like an excellent idea to energise the increasingly moribund 'Children In Need' telethon next year.

    The look on Jonathan Ross' face as he announces he himself is top of the list that members of the general public have bid to be first seat on the 'Krakatoa Death Bus', would be pricesless!

    jiggerycock Tue, 01/12/2009 - 16:39
  • Sold ! right who's next ? in fact fuck it.....I'm putting that cunt Perez Hilton in the space they reserve for the spacca's

    MJwasakiddyfiddler Tue, 01/12/2009 - 16:28
  • I can appreciate what you say about Chris Martin but there is something so ultimately cunty about him and also "Apple" & "Moses" ??? do me a fucking lemon you smug pair of wankers ! So yes it may be controversial but he's staying at the top of the list....I also take offence at the way he plays the piano like he's having a fucking eppy

    MJwasakiddyfiddler Tue, 01/12/2009 - 16:19
  • gok wang? you go girlfriend...

    badger79 Tue, 01/12/2009 - 16:07
  • Good start, anyone want to nominate a conductor ?

    MJwasakiddyfiddler Tue, 01/12/2009 - 16:03
  • Cliff Richard to drive the bus? We know he's capable.

    Bitch Magnet Tue, 01/12/2009 - 16:01
  • Hold on if we can have people from adverts then I'm gonna have to reconsider.....also 3 is not enough. Can I introduce to the concept of "The Bus", the rules are simple

    * You have a single decker bus
    * You are able to populate the bus with people
    * The bus is then driven into an active volcano

    Simples (that fucking meerkat is the hood ornament on my bus)

    MJwasakiddyfiddler Tue, 01/12/2009 - 15:55
  • hang about...ive never considered non-celebrities in this game...
    In which case the spacker that does "we buy any car dot com we buy any car dot com" is in trouble...

    badger79 Tue, 01/12/2009 - 15:46
  • would sir care for a red dot sight or thermal scope attachment?
    I must say they are some pretty leftfield suggestions from you MJ- I mean what has chris martin ever done to you? All he wants is to keep trade fair and help the starving and its a well known fact that he donates a large portion of his salary to charitable causes and lives like a pauper on the breadline with his hollywood wife and fruit-based children...

    badger79 Tue, 01/12/2009 - 15:44
  • would sir care for a red dot sight or thermal scope attachment?
    I must say they are some pretty leftfield suggestions from you MJ- I mean what has chris martin ever done to you? All he wants is to keep trade fair and help the starving and its a well known fact that he donates a large portion of his salary to charitable causes and lives like a pauper on the breadline with his hollywood wife and fruit-based children...

    badger79 Tue, 01/12/2009 - 15:43
  • oh, let me have a go.

    1) leona lewis
    2) any rapper with a cunty name
    3) that nob who says 'GO COMPARE' with the twatty moustache

    stevie7771 Tue, 01/12/2009 - 15:39
  • Ok I've given this some careful consideration and here are my top 3

    1.) Chris Martin
    2.) Cheryl Cole
    3.) Madonna.

    Now give me my gun & bullets

    MJwasakiddyfiddler Tue, 01/12/2009 - 15:29
  • Badger you sound like my missus....however while we're on the subject does anyone fancy joining me on a rampage through an airport gunning down as many innocent civilians as we can ?

    On the subject of who my 3 bullets would go to.....this is going to take some time so I will have to get back to you.

    MJwasakiddyfiddler Tue, 01/12/2009 - 15:18
  • I personally think that if every person that posts on this site were to be given 3 bullets we could do some major good in the world and in a twisted kind of way maybe even get that Nobel Peace Prize off of Obama.....

    3 Bullets- 3 Kills- No questions asked...Who would you emulsify.....?

    badger79 Tue, 01/12/2009 - 15:06
  • MJ- -that was truly spoken like a pro- you've been playing too much call of duty....
    Slug: Michael MacIntyre gets round number 3 at the moment although he is constantly switching places with that massive tie-knotted cunt that is Nick Knowles...

    badger79 Tue, 01/12/2009 - 15:02
  • Well, as Danny would say...

    "I've had me moments. I've had me fucking moments... We'll leave it at that."

    mr_chopper Tue, 01/12/2009 - 14:58
  • Please please please if there is a god, let Alex bump into Danny, Alex beats Danny to a point where he can no longer walk, act or present ever, ever again... then Alex gets run over crossing the road. Badger79 then uses two of his bullets on these to make sure the world is a safer place... Amen

    fukyouyoufuk Tue, 01/12/2009 - 14:32
  • genius? or complete and utter talentless cunt? let the debate commence...

    fukyouyoufuk Tue, 01/12/2009 - 14:26
  • "if you get in bed with the Devil, you’ve got to expect it."

    Sorry MJ - just lifting some words of words of wisdom - not stalking you. Just want you to keep up your good ways. Keep up! Phnar Phnar. Sorry.

    *Coughs and leaves.

    stella ah trois Tue, 01/12/2009 - 13:42
  • If you're gonna be a pro about it you should really use all 3 on her, 2 in the chest & 1 in the head. Definite kill.

    MJwasakiddyfiddler Tue, 01/12/2009 - 13:41
  • Amanda Holden again. Just to make sure.

    Bitch Magnet Tue, 01/12/2009 - 13:40
  • And no 3?

    slug Tue, 01/12/2009 - 13:35
  • According to a BBC report bottling up anger is extremely bad for your health....with this in mind I would suggest that you kill Amanda Holden (possibly with an axe whilst listening to classical music). Let's face it, it's you or her.

    MJwasakiddyfiddler Tue, 01/12/2009 - 13:34
  • p.s I meant "primal" before some pedantic analytical tool corrects me.

    badger79 Tue, 01/12/2009 - 13:31
  • I thought you would never ask MJ...
    The fact of the matter is that I have a large passionate hatred of Amanda Holden and its going to take a lot to shift her off of the top spot. As you boldly mention...Dyer has unknowing comedy value where as holden just makes the vein on my temple pulsate with priaml rage.....i'm getting angry just thinking about her now...

    badger79 Tue, 01/12/2009 - 13:28
  • Begs the question....who get's number 1 ?

    MJwasakiddyfiddler Tue, 01/12/2009 - 13:21
  • If I had 3 bullets...3 shots and 3 kills......Dyer would get the 2nd bullet....

    badger79 Tue, 01/12/2009 - 13:19
  • I (controversially) like Danny Dyer, his show "Danny Dyers Deadliest Men" is one of the finest pieces of comedy to hit our screens for many a year.

    "Faaack me I tell you what, these geezers don't fack abaaht, they're some proper naughty boys know what I'm saying like"

    Genius !

    MJwasakiddyfiddler Tue, 01/12/2009 - 13:18
  • Danny Dyer, what a legend!

    chriswah Tue, 01/12/2009 - 13:06
  • Danny Dyer, what a legend!

    chriswah Tue, 01/12/2009 - 13:06
  • I (controversially) like Danny Dyer, his show "Danny Dyers Deadliest Men" is one of the finest pieces of comedy to hit our screens for many a year.

    "Faaack me I tell you what, these geezers don't fack abaaht, they're some proper naughty boys know what I'm saying like"

    Genius !

    MJwasakiddyfiddler Tue, 01/12/2009 - 13:18
  • If I had 3 bullets...3 shots and 3 kills......Dyer would get the 2nd bullet....

    badger79 Tue, 01/12/2009 - 13:19
  • Begs the question....who get's number 1 ?

    MJwasakiddyfiddler Tue, 01/12/2009 - 13:21
  • I thought you would never ask MJ...
    The fact of the matter is that I have a large passionate hatred of Amanda Holden and its going to take a lot to shift her off of the top spot. As you boldly mention...Dyer has unknowing comedy value where as holden just makes the vein on my temple pulsate with priaml rage.....i'm getting angry just thinking about her now...

    badger79 Tue, 01/12/2009 - 13:28
  • p.s I meant "primal" before some pedantic analytical tool corrects me.

    badger79 Tue, 01/12/2009 - 13:31
  • According to a BBC report bottling up anger is extremely bad for your health....with this in mind I would suggest that you kill Amanda Holden (possibly with an axe whilst listening to classical music). Let's face it, it's you or her.

    MJwasakiddyfiddler Tue, 01/12/2009 - 13:34
  • And no 3?

    slug Tue, 01/12/2009 - 13:35
  • Amanda Holden again. Just to make sure.

    Bitch Magnet Tue, 01/12/2009 - 13:40
  • If you're gonna be a pro about it you should really use all 3 on her, 2 in the chest & 1 in the head. Definite kill.

    MJwasakiddyfiddler Tue, 01/12/2009 - 13:41
  • "if you get in bed with the Devil, you’ve got to expect it."

    Sorry MJ - just lifting some words of words of wisdom - not stalking you. Just want you to keep up your good ways. Keep up! Phnar Phnar. Sorry.

    *Coughs and leaves.

    stella ah trois Tue, 01/12/2009 - 13:42
  • genius? or complete and utter talentless cunt? let the debate commence...

    fukyouyoufuk Tue, 01/12/2009 - 14:26
  • Please please please if there is a god, let Alex bump into Danny, Alex beats Danny to a point where he can no longer walk, act or present ever, ever again... then Alex gets run over crossing the road. Badger79 then uses two of his bullets on these to make sure the world is a safer place... Amen

    fukyouyoufuk Tue, 01/12/2009 - 14:32
  • Well, as Danny would say...

    "I've had me moments. I've had me fucking moments... We'll leave it at that."

    mr_chopper Tue, 01/12/2009 - 14:58
  • MJ- -that was truly spoken like a pro- you've been playing too much call of duty....
    Slug: Michael MacIntyre gets round number 3 at the moment although he is constantly switching places with that massive tie-knotted cunt that is Nick Knowles...

    badger79 Tue, 01/12/2009 - 15:02
  • I personally think that if every person that posts on this site were to be given 3 bullets we could do some major good in the world and in a twisted kind of way maybe even get that Nobel Peace Prize off of Obama.....

    3 Bullets- 3 Kills- No questions asked...Who would you emulsify.....?

    badger79 Tue, 01/12/2009 - 15:06
  • Badger you sound like my missus....however while we're on the subject does anyone fancy joining me on a rampage through an airport gunning down as many innocent civilians as we can ?

    On the subject of who my 3 bullets would go to.....this is going to take some time so I will have to get back to you.

    MJwasakiddyfiddler Tue, 01/12/2009 - 15:18
  • Ok I've given this some careful consideration and here are my top 3

    1.) Chris Martin
    2.) Cheryl Cole
    3.) Madonna.

    Now give me my gun & bullets

    MJwasakiddyfiddler Tue, 01/12/2009 - 15:29
  • oh, let me have a go.

    1) leona lewis
    2) any rapper with a cunty name
    3) that nob who says 'GO COMPARE' with the twatty moustache

    stevie7771 Tue, 01/12/2009 - 15:39
  • would sir care for a red dot sight or thermal scope attachment?
    I must say they are some pretty leftfield suggestions from you MJ- I mean what has chris martin ever done to you? All he wants is to keep trade fair and help the starving and its a well known fact that he donates a large portion of his salary to charitable causes and lives like a pauper on the breadline with his hollywood wife and fruit-based children...

    badger79 Tue, 01/12/2009 - 15:43
  • would sir care for a red dot sight or thermal scope attachment?
    I must say they are some pretty leftfield suggestions from you MJ- I mean what has chris martin ever done to you? All he wants is to keep trade fair and help the starving and its a well known fact that he donates a large portion of his salary to charitable causes and lives like a pauper on the breadline with his hollywood wife and fruit-based children...

    badger79 Tue, 01/12/2009 - 15:44
  • hang about...ive never considered non-celebrities in this game...
    In which case the spacker that does "we buy any car dot com we buy any car dot com" is in trouble...

    badger79 Tue, 01/12/2009 - 15:46
  • Hold on if we can have people from adverts then I'm gonna have to reconsider.....also 3 is not enough. Can I introduce to the concept of "The Bus", the rules are simple

    * You have a single decker bus
    * You are able to populate the bus with people
    * The bus is then driven into an active volcano

    Simples (that fucking meerkat is the hood ornament on my bus)

    MJwasakiddyfiddler Tue, 01/12/2009 - 15:55
  • Cliff Richard to drive the bus? We know he's capable.

    Bitch Magnet Tue, 01/12/2009 - 16:01
  • Good start, anyone want to nominate a conductor ?

    MJwasakiddyfiddler Tue, 01/12/2009 - 16:03
  • gok wang? you go girlfriend...

    badger79 Tue, 01/12/2009 - 16:07
  • I can appreciate what you say about Chris Martin but there is something so ultimately cunty about him and also "Apple" & "Moses" ??? do me a fucking lemon you smug pair of wankers ! So yes it may be controversial but he's staying at the top of the list....I also take offence at the way he plays the piano like he's having a fucking eppy

    MJwasakiddyfiddler Tue, 01/12/2009 - 16:19
  • Sold ! right who's next ? in fact fuck it.....I'm putting that cunt Perez Hilton in the space they reserve for the spacca's

    MJwasakiddyfiddler Tue, 01/12/2009 - 16:28
  • Sounds like an excellent idea to energise the increasingly moribund 'Children In Need' telethon next year.

    The look on Jonathan Ross' face as he announces he himself is top of the list that members of the general public have bid to be first seat on the 'Krakatoa Death Bus', would be pricesless!

    jiggerycock Tue, 01/12/2009 - 16:39
  • Perfect, if it's for charideeee Chris Martin will be chomping at the (vegan) bit to be on there

    MJwasakiddyfiddler Tue, 01/12/2009 - 16:44
  • Bruce Forsyth. It would be a merciful release. For him and us.

    Stramash Tue, 01/12/2009 - 17:06
  • . . . and now I think of it, put the fucking moron who writes his "jokes" on it as well.

    Stramash Tue, 01/12/2009 - 17:14
  • Fuck this "red dot or scopes" shit. Get up close and personal, the muzzle 2 cm off the soft part behind the ear and off you go.

    As for Danny Dyer, he plays an alleged hardman in a movie and you all think he's Mike Tyson. He's a cockney geezer who's about as hard as... Ross Kemp. Fucking hell, try to keep realityworld well separated from actorworld, eh?? Note to all: cockney accent ≠ hard case

    Blartmonster Tue, 01/12/2009 - 21:40
  • 1) Paul Ross
    2) Paul Ross
    2) Paul Ross

    Long time coming you smug talentless prick

    wantondisregard Tue, 01/12/2009 - 21:50
  • My friend and I had a college game called Plane Crash, much the same idea as the bus.
    We'd spend ours filling it with people, and then smile as we imagined them all ploughing into a mountain.
    Hours of fun..
    Jordan is going in for a start. Minge faced twat bucket.

    missmonana Wed, 02/12/2009 - 01:16
  • 3 bullets? No comebacks? OK...

    GW Bush, no question, got to put one in that cunt's skull just for the principle of it, mainly because he's a Yank politician and also because I'd be give the keys to most of the cities on Earth east of Chelmsford.

    Henry Kissinger, for the same reason, though I'd probably do him in the back of the neck just to watch the cunt suffer.

    And finally, Paris Hilton. I'm not one to espouse the joys of beating up the fairer sex but if there was anyone more deserving of a bullet to the boat race it's her. Mainly because she's a stupid spoiled little shithouse, but also because of what she represents.

    No good shooting Jade Goody for the same reason, she's already dead.

    Well you did ask. Don't fucking complain either, because I might get four bullets by mistake, and I'm in a shooting mood.

    pandakiller Wed, 02/12/2009 - 01:56
  • Fuck yes. Oh happy day. That would be the one and only Children In Need I'd watch.

    pandakiller Wed, 02/12/2009 - 01:57
  • Agreed cockney accent does not = hardman but my appreciation of Danny Dyer is based on the fact that he knows he is a massive prick and yet he plays up to it more & more and this in turn encourages the "Deadliest Men" (see: ex-cons after cash) to become even more comedy parodies of themselves......but then other times you can see the look in their eyes that says "who the fuck are you ? if these fucking cameras weren't here I'd knock you out and fuck you in the face" all the while Dyer is blissfully unaware

    MJwasakiddyfiddler Wed, 02/12/2009 - 10:01
  • Sniper rifle and scope?
    Nah, you want a Snub Nosed.22 with Dum-Dum Bullets and take a bit of powder out of the cartridge as well.
    Snub nose revolver is easy to hide.
    Revolver means no bullets stuck in the chamber
    Go for a Head Shot up close, no mistaking victim, you don't miss the target..
    .22 bullet enters the head and bounces round inside making a right mess and ensuring a kill, no through and through.
    Dum-Dum round makes MORE of a mess.
    Less powder in the round makes less noise, no-one else hears, no witnesses.
    Can I have 4 targets?
    1] Peaches Geldof ( Pixie as well in a two for one deal?)
    2]Kelly Osbourne (Fuck it - ALL the Osbournes- apart from eldest daughter and Ozzy, obvs)
    3] Cheryl fucking Cole (Unless she renounces her solo career and joins Girls Aloud in their sabbatical tout suite)
    4] Simon cunting Cowell (Even if he announces all of his shows have been taken off air FOR EVER and he will forthwith retire from public view and makes sure NONE of his "stars" ever record or release a record ever again)

    ken tate Fri, 04/12/2009 - 04:09
  • I admire your dedication to the cause Ken, you've earned your extra kill(s)

    MJwasakiddyfiddler Tue, 08/12/2009 - 14:01

Article Timeline