- and keep up with your appointments with the mong doctor

don't worry tesco I think I get what you're getting at.

Stop encouraging her? She's on the payroll...

I wonder if Tanya reads these pages, with their awful comments...?

If so:
- have a shower
- buy some clothes from anywhere other than the local hospice shop
- do SOMETHING about your scabby face
- ugh

I couldn't give a fuck about Dwyer, I just wish animal control would secure that stupid hugging bitch with one of those nooses on the end of a stick, shove her in the back of the van and take her to the compound for euthanasia.

Mr Holy Moly, stop encouraging someone who is obviously mentally ill. She should be in a secure environment, not out in public spreading her fleas and scabies to anyone unfortunate enough to be on her radar and within her grasp.

you're entitled to it...

I have to say though - and don't all stone me at once - but what's wrong with Danny Dyer?! (ducks flying stone)

You know it (laughs). The thing is Norton's face already looks as if it's been beaten to a pulp. Somewhere along the line though, if it were to happen, he'd come.

Hey, I was just offering an opinion.

...and any chance of giving Graham Norton a Ray-Liotta-in Goodfellas-style pistol whipping?

Honestly- if i had 2 bullets. This cunt would get one and Amanda Holden would get the other....

same eyes. dyer's got fat bloke's peepers.

"They tryin to fahckin ruin me or summink?!"

If Dyer can be termed "quite a good shag" then James Corden must have the ripped-up body of an adonis.... same eyesight standards, though

"quite a good shag". you'd seriously want that bum fluffed chin buried in your whoopsy? christ on a bike.

"So ven roight, ven, vis fahckin minging dworf cahms ahp to me an' it says straight ahp, 'Oi fahkin LAAAAAHRV you Danny - gissa cahddle'. But oi was ihn moi fahkin best stroids 'n everyfink and vis minger was orl pissmelly - 've fahking works - baht wot cahn yu do? So I goes 'cahm 'ere you fahnny lickle mahnchkin, cahddles it for, loike, a fahkin nanosecond and ven I mahgs it off wiv an autograph"

"Ahn vat concludes moi defence against 've statutory rape of an Ooompah-Looompah m'lud"

She really does. It's creepy. I bet her knickers are fizzing.

Dyers' success: I cannot explain it, other than that I suspect he'd probably be quite a good shag. Maybe this is why people like him. They look at him and go "hmmm, he looks like he'd be a 6 or 7 out of 10."

And that's how he gets movie roles.

tanya always has an expression of blissed-out ecstacy on her face when she's mid-hug. different boots too.

please can someone explain danny dyer's success. i'm all ears.

ha ha, that's a very good point kwebb, and now you bring it up, I can't confirm either way. I stand by the cunt comment though.

No, I meant HE'S the professional cocksucker. I'm sure she won't get much opportunity to suck cock unless it's the local Big Issue coordinator or some lagered-up hard man actor, eh Danny, you mincer

He's as hard as my gran, and she's been dead 8 years

"Too intense" or "two in tents"?

I saw that show where he meets hard men and patronizes them, and this time it was some guy who used to be a mercenary after going awol from the salvation army or something. Anyway the 'challenge' for our Danny was to camp in a forest overnight and ... well, that was it.
He sat with this 'hard' man in the dark woods for about 5 minutes, ate a ration pack and then made his excuses and left, saying it was too intense and he couldn't handle it. What a cunt.

What did I tell you about playing football in these at break time Danny?
- Sorry mum. This proper fackin nawlty firm turned up from next door's school, every year that is the rule...Oh what fun we had, but at the time it seemed not bad, all I learn't at school etc.

and bad ripe arse.

Nahhh, he can sling it in the washing machine, it looks like the Teflon coated school trousers my brother had when he was 8. Nothing gets those bad boys dirty.

I read this Iain Banks book when I was a teenager, right, and in it there was this bloke trapped in a mad castle, and it was sort of staffed by these creepy little dwarves who wore loads of layers of clothes. Anyway, he got dead bored one day and decided to kill one of them, and he just kept peeling away the layers andthere was no body in there, just a load of skanky clothes, and then he got to the middle and it was just goo or something in there.

Anyway, that's nothing like this, as I am totally sure that underneath her Umbro joggers and scabby parka, this bitch has a fat sweaty stinky caterpillar body.

OI, TANYA, HAVE A FUCKING SHOWER.

She is AWFUL. At least that cheap piece of shit suit he's got on can go straight in the bin. No harm done.