In the most scandalous story of the day - and possibly the year - so far, the (fake) relationship between Cheryl Cole and Derek Hough is hanging in the (invisible) balance following her non-stop texting to ex-husband (wanker), Ashley, during their holiday (PR stunt) together in South Africa (South Shields). We are yet to discover whether said texts were, in fact, 'sexts'. Although, let's be honest, they were, like, soooooo 2010.

So, is the non-existent romance between 100% hetrosexual dancer, Hough, and 100% indiscriminate singer, Cole, still in the air? Or has their second African holiday resulted in something much worse than their first - not malaria, but HEARTAHCHE?

According to the ever-trusty news-generator that is The Sun, ol' Deek is growing increasingly pissed off with Cheryl's constant texting and threatened to throw her Blackberry into the Atlantic Ocean. Their secret African agent, otherwise known as Mr. A Source, told them:

"Cheryl still talks to Ashley on a constant basis and they've been texting practically every day. It's driving Derek mad. He's told her, 'enough is enough'.

 

Derek is so frustrated. The other night she stayed up messaging Ashley and he kept calling her phone as they tried to sleep."

In other words, readers, Derek's gone in a massive Hough.

And, we must say, we are extremely impressed by The Sun's spying skills. We'd imagine it would prove quite difficult to sneak a reporter into Cheryl Cole's bedroom while she sleeps, but they've gone and done the impossible. So well done to them. And well done to her and Derek for spinning this fairytale love story (as in literally made-up) for what feels like a decade.