Look at Lagerfeld. He can barely tolerate it "Who is zis obese lumpen mess daring to stand next to me? Perhaps if I put my shiny driving glove in the foreground it will draw focus from her hideously unfashionable frame"

The only good thing about Fashion Shows is they corral all the vacuous, the simpering, the self-obsessed and the braying into one place.

The bad news is that the Flechette Missile Strike I called in had to be aborted as the Israeli Air Force were all at Helmut Newton's launch party, checking out the new espadrilles they're going to be forced to wear under new, get-tough Amnesty International guidelines

Karl Lagertop looks like my late grandmother if she wore shit sunglasses, spangly driving gloves and was in the Gestapo.