Everyone had a secret made-up language when they were young. Ours was Esperanto. Don't look down upon us though, some of those Swiss finishing schools can be hell. No one should ever have to know the torment of skiing until your little legs shake, before being sponged down by a large breasted matron and fed litres of fondue. Even thinking about it now makes us a little panicky. Thanks for reminding us HM, no really, cheers.

Anyway, it turns out when you have your childhood stolen by the likes of pop ghoul Madonna you never grow out of having secret conversations in a secret language with your secret best pals in the whole world. Guy Ritchie is one such man. Does anyone remember when Guy used to frolic and skip through the fields of W1, laughing at how non-homophobic he was? No, that's because Madonna had those memories burnt from our collective consciousness, just before she ate the director's soul. Poor Guy.

Which is (probably) why Ritchie now talks to his girlfriend, Jacqui Ainsley, in Hebrew (admittedly, with 10 million speakers it's not exactly a secret language) when they're out and about in public. They must have so many things they need to keep under wraps, like the plot for his next film. Who knows what it could be.

Unfortunately, Ainsley doesn't know Hebrew, so has had to learn it, but it's kind of their thing now, you know, like how Paul and Sarah are so good at Pictionary and Mark and Lisa both love ice skating. Well, it's just like that (via Hello):

"Yes, we can have a secret dialogue together, it comes in very handy! Initially it was difficult as the characters are so vastly dissimilar to English characters and there are two alphabets to contend with. I believe you can learn anything you want if you are determined - one hour a day can go a long way"

Gay avek.