Our EARS! Our EYES! Heidi Montag and Spencer Pratt continue to torment our senses with their lack of sense...

As if the Miss Universe pageant hasn't faced enough criticism over its credibility... Horse-faced reality star Heidi Pratt (née Montag - or, rather, NAY) was invited to perform LIVE at the contest.

Clearly the organisers just wanted throw in another challenge for the contestants – could they regain composure as their ears wept blood?

According to TMZ, the inexplicable Playboy playmate jumped onstage in sequined pants and a matching bra Sunday and told the audience:

"I think people don't know what to expect, and how can they? It's my first performance live and it's in front of a billion eyes. So I'm very excited to show everyone what I'm coming with."

Sadly, we may never know what she really came with... TMZ reports that she made such a boob of the performance by forgetting her lyrics that production staff were taking bets on whether she'd even be shown live at all, and apparently only canned cheering could save it.

At least she can crawl under Spencer's massive sombrero to hide from the humiliation. The biggest twat in a hat since Jay Kay has clearly been taking inspiration from our favourite ever pic of Johnny Borrell.

Heidi Montag singing her new single, 'Body Language' at the Miss Universe pageant 2009.