Brace yourselves! For this news is going to blow your whole weekend right out the water. Ex-Hearsay member, professional pianist and TV presenter extraordinaire, Myleene Klass, has revealed her deepest and darkest secret...

She, erm, has braces.

*watches tumbleweed float past and journalistic career float away*

We're sorry, readers. We really are. Not only for writing an article based entirely on the fact that Myleene Klass wears braces. But for writing a story about Myleene Klass altogether. For she is up there with Fearne Cotton and Konnie Huq in the Top 3 anti-Christs of the television world.

It was either this, the godforsaken Russell Brand prancing about New York or Frankie Sandford at the godforsaken May Fair Hotel. What would you have preferred? Neither? Well tough...

What makes this sorry excuse for celebrity gossip worse is that they're not even proper braces that go over the front of her teeth and make her look like a proper twat. We tell you who is a proper twat though... her co-host, Mark Durden Smith. We didn't even know he was still in a job. And we didn't want to know either.

Once again, our sincerest apologies to you all. We can only hope that by this time tomorrow Lindsay Lohan has had a lesbian love affair with a prostitute in prison and Karen Gillan has gone on a nude march through the streets of Inverness.