Jack Tweed spreads his own at Faeces nightclub, alerts us to his ongoing existence

10 Jack Tweed at Faeces nightclub last night Jack Tweed at Faeces advert Jack Tweed on a night out Grieving Jack Tweed at Faeces nightclub Jack Tweed having a well deserved night out Jack Tweed and his next target advert Jack Tweed and a waiting woman Jack Tweed having a night out at Faces nightclub Jack Tweed on his way home

Jack Tweed looking cool as fuck at Faeces yesterday

He's still here

Mon, 17/05/2010 - 13:48 by

We're sorry to be the bearers of bad news but, yes, we're afraid to inform you that Jack Tweed is still around - still living and breathing in the same air as you and I. As an honorary member, the grieving widower put on a brave face and ventured out to Faeces nightclub last night, where he no doubt spread his own over everyone there...

He's been delaying this permanent escape to Marbella for quite some time now since he was set free by the 'justice' system - you can't use the volcano excuse forever, Jack. And if you're struggling for money since being released from prison then we'll happily pay for your flight out the country. What are we talking about? Jade will pay for it!

So rather than elope to Spain as he's been planning to, Tweed took his orange forehead, busy eyebrows and shrunken sweater along to the classiest club in Essex for a quiet night out.

He emerged sucking on a Chupa-Chup and apparently by the side of a mystery blonde woman - although our collection photos don't support that tale. And anyway, this is Jack Tweed we're talking about. He's supposed to be in a relationship with the pregnant Chanelle Hayes and there's no way he would ever cheat on her with another woman. Absolutely no way.

Jack Tweed pictures, Jack Tweed

Comments

So what are you trying to say oh Worm of mine ?
The Rev Jesse Custer Tue, 18/05/2010 - 09:45
Sorry I was late last night darling. You know how it goes. I went to have a quick one or two to celebrate your change in humour and before you know it was 2 in the morning and I was back at Stringfellows again. Did I do something wrong? you seemed a little tense when I got back. I know you mentioned supper, but I couldn't find it last night - I notice the dog seemed unusually content though.

Have you seen my wedding ring? I must have taken it off somewhere last night, but just can't remember....
slug Tue, 18/05/2010 - 08:25
he looks to be gay now is he secretly gay? reports have suggested he is gay and proud of it!
dancingworm Mon, 17/05/2010 - 22:43
See, if he wants to keep a low profile, he should come to The Sitwell Tavern in Derby. Partly because no paps could be arsed to venture here in search of stories, but mainly because it's populated by big burly bikers who don't take too kindly to any kind of violence against women (I did once see a bearded bloke who looked like the offspring of a ZZ Topp member and The Hulk kick the shit out of a bloke who slapped his girlfriend in the face).
Even if they believe his innocence, his orange complexion alone will be enough to get him beaten to a pulp.
retrovertigo Mon, 17/05/2010 - 22:02
Hope this Karma bullshit is true. If so Tweed will spend his next life as a blind deaf and dumb quadroplegic with a constantly itchy arse living as the resident gimp in an S and M dungeon somewhere in the backwoods of Tennessee.
shitthebed Mon, 17/05/2010 - 18:16
I wonder how combustible Faces nightclub really is....
koshmar Mon, 17/05/2010 - 17:30
Just the thought of Marsh popping stones in her pocket and slipping into the river Ouse has made my day, Jiggery.
Let's hope silicone doesn't float.
huxylady Mon, 17/05/2010 - 17:11
It was all that talk about wedding rings. I want us to renew our vows. I've already picked up a copy of Brides. Oh and Weddings. And Brides and Weddings. It should only cost about £40,000. I do want a castle this time. I'll not go out tonight to see the girls. We can stay in and look at my new magazines. Can you rustle up a candle lit meal though to really make me feel loved? Want it to be really special.
stella ah trois Mon, 17/05/2010 - 16:52
That's all it took?

Years of grovelling with no compromise from you and a pissed off rant about that scrote Jack Tweed gets me into your good books again?
slug Mon, 17/05/2010 - 16:43
Faces Nightclub?

It truly is 'The Bloomsbury Set' de nos jours isn't it?

Tweed as EM Forster ('cept without the poofiness but with the rapeyness or 'enforced love' as this towering intellect might call it if he was capable of thought instead of being a protozoa). Jodie Marsh as Virginia Woolf (we've had the lesbianism - now for the suicide) and Jamie O'Hara as the great economist Keynes (get back to you on this one).

Bollocks to Fitzrovia! Harlow is where the Intellectual Heavyweights hang out.
jiggerycock Mon, 17/05/2010 - 16:08
Oh slug. I think I've fallen in love with you all over again. I'll let you off the ironing tonight. Small correction/addendum 'the relentless pursuit of fame and STDs'.
stella ah trois Mon, 17/05/2010 - 14:39
The fact that this utter fucking chopper is still wearing his wedding ring, (presumably only on the advice of his 'pr team'), makes me want to spew. Not that I'm a particular fan of Jade, but the idea of a man who so patently didn't care when he was married should carefully continue wearing it is just wrong.

Did you wear it whilst you were double-teaming that drunk and frightened girl at a party, Jack? Was it on the hand that you held her down with? Do you ever look at it and think about what a wedding ring symbolises, Jack, or is it all just meaningless to you in the relentless pursuit of 'fame'?
slug Mon, 17/05/2010 - 14:24
Oh jade you certainly ensured that your shite continued after your demise. Thanks a fuckload.
elbow Mon, 17/05/2010 - 14:12
The laws of karma suggest there'll be a misunderstanding where some bloke tries to rape Tweed's arse out but will then be freed by a jury. But every cloud eh? Because at least then he'll have a tale to tell to help top up his pension.

BTW: What is it with 'celebrities' called Tweed?
PuddyTwat Mon, 17/05/2010 - 13:59

The laws of karma suggest there'll be a misunderstanding where some bloke tries to rape Tweed's arse out but will then be freed by a jury. But every cloud eh? Because at least then he'll have a tale to tell to help top up his pension.

BTW: What is it with 'celebrities' called Tweed?
PuddyTwat Mon, 17/05/2010 - 13:59
Oh jade you certainly ensured that your shite continued after your demise. Thanks a fuckload.
elbow Mon, 17/05/2010 - 14:12
The fact that this utter fucking chopper is still wearing his wedding ring, (presumably only on the advice of his 'pr team'), makes me want to spew. Not that I'm a particular fan of Jade, but the idea of a man who so patently didn't care when he was married should carefully continue wearing it is just wrong.

Did you wear it whilst you were double-teaming that drunk and frightened girl at a party, Jack? Was it on the hand that you held her down with? Do you ever look at it and think about what a wedding ring symbolises, Jack, or is it all just meaningless to you in the relentless pursuit of 'fame'?
slug Mon, 17/05/2010 - 14:24
Oh slug. I think I've fallen in love with you all over again. I'll let you off the ironing tonight. Small correction/addendum 'the relentless pursuit of fame and STDs'.
stella ah trois Mon, 17/05/2010 - 14:39
Faces Nightclub?

It truly is 'The Bloomsbury Set' de nos jours isn't it?

Tweed as EM Forster ('cept without the poofiness but with the rapeyness or 'enforced love' as this towering intellect might call it if he was capable of thought instead of being a protozoa). Jodie Marsh as Virginia Woolf (we've had the lesbianism - now for the suicide) and Jamie O'Hara as the great economist Keynes (get back to you on this one).

Bollocks to Fitzrovia! Harlow is where the Intellectual Heavyweights hang out.
jiggerycock Mon, 17/05/2010 - 16:08
That's all it took?

Years of grovelling with no compromise from you and a pissed off rant about that scrote Jack Tweed gets me into your good books again?
slug Mon, 17/05/2010 - 16:43
It was all that talk about wedding rings. I want us to renew our vows. I've already picked up a copy of Brides. Oh and Weddings. And Brides and Weddings. It should only cost about £40,000. I do want a castle this time. I'll not go out tonight to see the girls. We can stay in and look at my new magazines. Can you rustle up a candle lit meal though to really make me feel loved? Want it to be really special.
stella ah trois Mon, 17/05/2010 - 16:52
Just the thought of Marsh popping stones in her pocket and slipping into the river Ouse has made my day, Jiggery.
Let's hope silicone doesn't float.
huxylady Mon, 17/05/2010 - 17:11
I wonder how combustible Faces nightclub really is....
koshmar Mon, 17/05/2010 - 17:30
Hope this Karma bullshit is true. If so Tweed will spend his next life as a blind deaf and dumb quadroplegic with a constantly itchy arse living as the resident gimp in an S and M dungeon somewhere in the backwoods of Tennessee.
shitthebed Mon, 17/05/2010 - 18:16
See, if he wants to keep a low profile, he should come to The Sitwell Tavern in Derby. Partly because no paps could be arsed to venture here in search of stories, but mainly because it's populated by big burly bikers who don't take too kindly to any kind of violence against women (I did once see a bearded bloke who looked like the offspring of a ZZ Topp member and The Hulk kick the shit out of a bloke who slapped his girlfriend in the face).
Even if they believe his innocence, his orange complexion alone will be enough to get him beaten to a pulp.
retrovertigo Mon, 17/05/2010 - 22:02
he looks to be gay now is he secretly gay? reports have suggested he is gay and proud of it!
dancingworm Mon, 17/05/2010 - 22:43
Sorry I was late last night darling. You know how it goes. I went to have a quick one or two to celebrate your change in humour and before you know it was 2 in the morning and I was back at Stringfellows again. Did I do something wrong? you seemed a little tense when I got back. I know you mentioned supper, but I couldn't find it last night - I notice the dog seemed unusually content though.

Have you seen my wedding ring? I must have taken it off somewhere last night, but just can't remember....
slug Tue, 18/05/2010 - 08:25
So what are you trying to say oh Worm of mine ?
The Rev Jesse Custer Tue, 18/05/2010 - 09:45