Jamie Anal
Wed, 02/12/2009 - 12:01 by HM writer

'X factor' reject Jamie Archer was enjoying a Gerad Butler moment outside Mahiki club, with his afro and ridiculous red hanky in his back pocket, two things he'll never be able to get rid of now. And we just looked up red hanky in the 'handkerchief code' (apparently after everyone else) and if our source is correct, it suggests that  Jamie may be alerting other hanky wearers that he's up for an 'anal fisting'...

But as he is wearing it in his left pocket, it means that he is probably hoping to be the one er, not on the receptive end. We're so glad we cleared that up and hope things don't get too bad for Jamie that he has to resort to wearing 'kelly green'.

Enjoy the fame while it lasts Archer, for we have seen your future and we think it looks like this...

  • I bet you think that fucking bellend Danyl is sooooooo talented

    Blartmonster Fri, 04/12/2009 - 01:00
  • In all fairness, as it's you who doesn't like this site's take on mindless celebrity gossip, shouldn't you be the one to "FUCK OFF", you petulant shit? Preferably back to heatworld or wherever the hell it is that X Factor sycophants congregate.

    retrovertigo Thu, 03/12/2009 - 18:09
  • once again FUCK OFF

    Lisa Warren Thu, 03/12/2009 - 17:41
  • Oh for fuck's sake. Learn to spell!

    BustySinclair Thu, 03/12/2009 - 11:59
  • yes there is one celeb i dislike..jordan..hence why this article is annoying o and for the record hes not dating or considered dating Jordan..i know his sister and he has confirmed this story is utter bollox thanku and goodbye ur a waste of my time

    Lisa Warren Thu, 03/12/2009 - 04:57
  • And, so ladieees and gennelmen, we have here today witnessed the joint successful splicing, nay, joining at the synapses, of two of the dullest cunts to ever grace these pages. Not since Emziiiiiiiiiiiiii have we ever seen two wunnerful willing volunteers to show themselves up for a two-bit "singer"/"performer" from a fucking karaoke competition, who probably doesn't even know (or care) that they exist, never mind know their names.

    So, for posterity, and posterior intelligence, we present, to you, ladieeees and gennelmen, the thickest bints since Jade Goody's placenta,.. let's hear it for Lisa Warren and Sarah Belson.

    You fucking pair of slack-fannied retards. Get back to Hello!.com

    Blartmonster Thu, 03/12/2009 - 01:54
  • OK, so you've never disliked a celebrity? Of course you have, you lying bint. You're just getting pissy because we're slagging off the one you like, and in a manner that actually makes sense. For a start, I have no idea what "right deep down" actually means, in this context. If you want people to actually consider your opinion rather than laughing at it, you might want to start typing with something other than your buttocks, you rancid bloody fangirl.

    retrovertigo Thu, 03/12/2009 - 00:13
  • Two words: Lenny. Kravitz. And nobody even wants the real one any more.

    moon park Wed, 02/12/2009 - 20:32
  • Well really!

    If these people can't adopt a simple code of politeness and manners they can sod off and crawl up a dead bear's bum.

    jiggerycock Wed, 02/12/2009 - 19:48
  • Lisa, i'm with you on this! Don't worry you're not going crazy and the whole world isn't ignorant and evil as these people appear to be! Jamie Archer is a STAR and no matter what your opinion of him or his singing ability is - no one deserves to be attacked in this way. What has he ever done to you?!You people are simply bitter and miserable with your own lives! I imagine I will get a huge back-lash from this comment but to save you the time and energy - I won't be reading it and if I do I won't care as you all know i'm right deep down.

    Sarah Belson Wed, 02/12/2009 - 18:46
  • See Lisa, I did warn you.

    Did you really expect a site known for its bile and invective towards those with '6lb ego - 6oz talent' to get down on our knees and blow some X Factor reject with a 'look at meeee everyone' hairdo?

    Easiest fucking target since Mohammed Ali took on Jeanette Krankie

    jiggerycock Wed, 02/12/2009 - 17:28
  • o fuck off

    Lisa Warren Wed, 02/12/2009 - 17:26
  • Retards with afros that sing bad cod-rock songs, internet fangirls spelling their rants wrong, a singing competition where no-one can sing. These are a few of my favourite things.

    And yes, slagging people off makes me feel very, very godo about myself. I feel so godo.

    tescopop Wed, 02/12/2009 - 17:24
  • I bet Mr Comedy Wig is so grateful that his number one fan rushes to defend him so energetically. However you made the lunatic schoolgirl error of using txt speak, capital letters, rubbish spelling and punctuation, and basically having no idea about music at all, rendering your defence null and void.

    Why don't you run along and take that poster of him down off your bedroom wall, give it a good frotting and forget all about the mean people on the internet. There's a good girl :-)

    BustySinclair Wed, 02/12/2009 - 17:10
  • you lot are pathetic..going around slagging people off makes u feel godo about yourself does it? GROW THE FUCK UP!
    yes he was singing live on xfactor but he was singing every week for votes so obviously wasnt completely relaxed! and yeh maybe some of the clubs hes playing arent that good but who cares at least hes getting to sing, hes gonna go on to prove u bunch of morons wrong anyway

    Lisa Warren Wed, 02/12/2009 - 16:49
  • Lisa, this bloke's cunty hair, twatty clothes and the fact that he uses his status as an xfactor reject to get attention from pissed-up chavvy sluts at shitty clubs gives everyone in the world the right to slag him off.

    *edited to add:*

    And on a personal note, I find his open shirt to be extremely objectionable. Looks like pubes glued to his chest.

    BustySinclair Wed, 02/12/2009 - 16:27
  • Lisa, Lisa, Lisa.

    Unless I've gravely understimated the HM congregation, your life is about to take a turn for the worse.

    jiggerycock Wed, 02/12/2009 - 16:15
  • HAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

    And for the record, Lisa, wasn't he 'singing live' every week on the telly? You know, when he was generally shit, arrogant, up himself and desperate. Because I thought that was 'singing live'. Unless you mean, have I been to one of his gigs? In that case, no, because I don't frequent shitty working men's clubs.

    tescopop Wed, 02/12/2009 - 16:13
  • this article is so nasty, who gives you the right to slag off Jamie? have u ever seen him perform live? no have you ever met him? no...
    hes one of the most genuine and talented people I've ever met and for you to write such a disgraceful article really angers me! Jamie is going to go on to do better and bigger things than xfactor and when he does i hope you eat ur words!!

    Lisa Warren Wed, 02/12/2009 - 16:01
  • Right on!

    Some big, rough-as-fuck, steroid-amped, leather joy-boy, wearing this goon like a pair of Marigolds, commanding him to scream 'Would you like fries with that?' in readiness for his next career move

    .....with a squirt of the chef's special sauce.

    jiggerycock Wed, 02/12/2009 - 14:01
  • Twattock is a great word.

    Also: his hair looks like it might be smelly.

    tescopop Wed, 02/12/2009 - 13:21
  • Er... 'insertee' does actually mean on the receiving end.

    As amusing as the idea of this twattock being on the receiving end of an anal fisting by some rough as nuts ex-convict with a fist covered in chav bling, I'd much rather it was his face on the receiving end. Of a lump of wood. Full of rusty nails.

    BustySinclair Wed, 02/12/2009 - 13:14
  • When I went to see Paranormal Activity at the Printworks (horrid chav trap nightspot) on Saturday, we were beseeched by the afro-wig-wearing promoters outside of Pure nightclub (horrid chav trap) to "come in and see Jamie afro from X Factorrr!!!"

    We politely declined.

    tescopop Wed, 02/12/2009 - 13:11
  • When I went to see Paranormal Activity at the Printworks (horrid chav trap nightspot) on Saturday, we were beseeched by the afro-wig-wearing promoters outside of Pure nightclub (horrid chav trap) to "come in and see Jamie afro from X Factorrr!!!"

    We politely declined.

    tescopop Wed, 02/12/2009 - 13:11
  • Er... 'insertee' does actually mean on the receiving end.

    As amusing as the idea of this twattock being on the receiving end of an anal fisting by some rough as nuts ex-convict with a fist covered in chav bling, I'd much rather it was his face on the receiving end. Of a lump of wood. Full of rusty nails.

    BustySinclair Wed, 02/12/2009 - 13:14
  • Twattock is a great word.

    Also: his hair looks like it might be smelly.

    tescopop Wed, 02/12/2009 - 13:21
  • Right on!

    Some big, rough-as-fuck, steroid-amped, leather joy-boy, wearing this goon like a pair of Marigolds, commanding him to scream 'Would you like fries with that?' in readiness for his next career move

    .....with a squirt of the chef's special sauce.

    jiggerycock Wed, 02/12/2009 - 14:01
  • this article is so nasty, who gives you the right to slag off Jamie? have u ever seen him perform live? no have you ever met him? no...
    hes one of the most genuine and talented people I've ever met and for you to write such a disgraceful article really angers me! Jamie is going to go on to do better and bigger things than xfactor and when he does i hope you eat ur words!!

    Lisa Warren Wed, 02/12/2009 - 16:01
  • HAHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!

    And for the record, Lisa, wasn't he 'singing live' every week on the telly? You know, when he was generally shit, arrogant, up himself and desperate. Because I thought that was 'singing live'. Unless you mean, have I been to one of his gigs? In that case, no, because I don't frequent shitty working men's clubs.

    tescopop Wed, 02/12/2009 - 16:13
  • Lisa, Lisa, Lisa.

    Unless I've gravely understimated the HM congregation, your life is about to take a turn for the worse.

    jiggerycock Wed, 02/12/2009 - 16:15
  • Lisa, this bloke's cunty hair, twatty clothes and the fact that he uses his status as an xfactor reject to get attention from pissed-up chavvy sluts at shitty clubs gives everyone in the world the right to slag him off.

    *edited to add:*

    And on a personal note, I find his open shirt to be extremely objectionable. Looks like pubes glued to his chest.

    BustySinclair Wed, 02/12/2009 - 16:27
  • you lot are pathetic..going around slagging people off makes u feel godo about yourself does it? GROW THE FUCK UP!
    yes he was singing live on xfactor but he was singing every week for votes so obviously wasnt completely relaxed! and yeh maybe some of the clubs hes playing arent that good but who cares at least hes getting to sing, hes gonna go on to prove u bunch of morons wrong anyway

    Lisa Warren Wed, 02/12/2009 - 16:49
  • I bet Mr Comedy Wig is so grateful that his number one fan rushes to defend him so energetically. However you made the lunatic schoolgirl error of using txt speak, capital letters, rubbish spelling and punctuation, and basically having no idea about music at all, rendering your defence null and void.

    Why don't you run along and take that poster of him down off your bedroom wall, give it a good frotting and forget all about the mean people on the internet. There's a good girl :-)

    BustySinclair Wed, 02/12/2009 - 17:10
  • Retards with afros that sing bad cod-rock songs, internet fangirls spelling their rants wrong, a singing competition where no-one can sing. These are a few of my favourite things.

    And yes, slagging people off makes me feel very, very godo about myself. I feel so godo.

    tescopop Wed, 02/12/2009 - 17:24
  • o fuck off

    Lisa Warren Wed, 02/12/2009 - 17:26
  • See Lisa, I did warn you.

    Did you really expect a site known for its bile and invective towards those with '6lb ego - 6oz talent' to get down on our knees and blow some X Factor reject with a 'look at meeee everyone' hairdo?

    Easiest fucking target since Mohammed Ali took on Jeanette Krankie

    jiggerycock Wed, 02/12/2009 - 17:28
  • Lisa, i'm with you on this! Don't worry you're not going crazy and the whole world isn't ignorant and evil as these people appear to be! Jamie Archer is a STAR and no matter what your opinion of him or his singing ability is - no one deserves to be attacked in this way. What has he ever done to you?!You people are simply bitter and miserable with your own lives! I imagine I will get a huge back-lash from this comment but to save you the time and energy - I won't be reading it and if I do I won't care as you all know i'm right deep down.

    Sarah Belson Wed, 02/12/2009 - 18:46
  • Well really!

    If these people can't adopt a simple code of politeness and manners they can sod off and crawl up a dead bear's bum.

    jiggerycock Wed, 02/12/2009 - 19:48
  • Two words: Lenny. Kravitz. And nobody even wants the real one any more.

    moon park Wed, 02/12/2009 - 20:32
  • OK, so you've never disliked a celebrity? Of course you have, you lying bint. You're just getting pissy because we're slagging off the one you like, and in a manner that actually makes sense. For a start, I have no idea what "right deep down" actually means, in this context. If you want people to actually consider your opinion rather than laughing at it, you might want to start typing with something other than your buttocks, you rancid bloody fangirl.

    retrovertigo Thu, 03/12/2009 - 00:13
  • And, so ladieees and gennelmen, we have here today witnessed the joint successful splicing, nay, joining at the synapses, of two of the dullest cunts to ever grace these pages. Not since Emziiiiiiiiiiiiii have we ever seen two wunnerful willing volunteers to show themselves up for a two-bit "singer"/"performer" from a fucking karaoke competition, who probably doesn't even know (or care) that they exist, never mind know their names.

    So, for posterity, and posterior intelligence, we present, to you, ladieeees and gennelmen, the thickest bints since Jade Goody's placenta,.. let's hear it for Lisa Warren and Sarah Belson.

    You fucking pair of slack-fannied retards. Get back to Hello!.com

    Blartmonster Thu, 03/12/2009 - 01:54
  • yes there is one celeb i dislike..jordan..hence why this article is annoying o and for the record hes not dating or considered dating Jordan..i know his sister and he has confirmed this story is utter bollox thanku and goodbye ur a waste of my time

    Lisa Warren Thu, 03/12/2009 - 04:57
  • Oh for fuck's sake. Learn to spell!

    BustySinclair Thu, 03/12/2009 - 11:59
  • once again FUCK OFF

    Lisa Warren Thu, 03/12/2009 - 17:41
  • In all fairness, as it's you who doesn't like this site's take on mindless celebrity gossip, shouldn't you be the one to "FUCK OFF", you petulant shit? Preferably back to heatworld or wherever the hell it is that X Factor sycophants congregate.

    retrovertigo Thu, 03/12/2009 - 18:09
  • I bet you think that fucking bellend Danyl is sooooooo talented

    Blartmonster Fri, 04/12/2009 - 01:00

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