Not a single Sunday Sport star or female cast member of The Only Way Is Essex made it into the 'Miss Jersey Shore UK' line-up at Mahiki last night - which was surprising. Two of the male cast members from the US MTV reality show made it down to do some tough judging nonetheless, and they included Pauly D and Vinny, er, Guadagnino...

We were a bit disppointed Mike 'The Situation failed to make it, but rumour has it he suffered a hernia from lifting too many weights at the same time.

And as Season 3 has just arrived on MTV over here, let us celebrate by giving you a brief summary of life as one of the eight Jersey Shore inhabitants, who go by the name of Guido or Guidette.

1) There are three instrumental things every guido or guidette must live by (GTL):

Gym, tan and laundry.

2) Every Guido is wary of the Grenande - an ugly chick. But the Guidettes are sweet for the Guerillas - a hot Jersey shore guy.

3) No Guido dares leave the house for a night of clubbing without changing into a crisp white t-shirt - T-shirt Time is the song that they sing when they, er, change their -t-shirts. Their motto: Keep it fresh.

4) No guidette can leave the house without coating themselves extensively in creosote.

5) When the Guidos and Guidettes enjoy the music in a club, they let you know about it. This is called Beating the Beat, during which they pound the floor in appreciation to the music.

So that's that.

Other guests at Mahiki included Sarah Harding, Kayla Collins, who couldn't enter due to being from the US, Lizzie Cundy, who had no excuse for not entering, other than maybe her age, and a group of terrifying girls...