Since Prince Philip was so brutally silenced by the royal household (we imagine they cut his tongue out and placed it next to the crown jewels) there hasn't been much in the way of aristocratic snobbery in the media. Which is a shame, because after all, you don't know you're British until someone in an arbitrarily chosen higher social class turns up in a Barbour jacket, jams dog shit into your mouth, covers you in swan and gin flavoured vomit, laughs at your ugly girlfriend and then drives off in a gold plated Land Rover, his buck teeth flapping in the wind.

Of course, stereotypes like that aren't always true, and as the most aristocratic member of the HM team I can categorically say that public school wasn't all about late night buggery. We also learnt Latin.

However, as a fellow member of the aristocracy I can fully understand Joanna Lumley's frustration with the youth of today. The little scoundrels just don't know they're born. Running around with their Blueberrys and internet pornography like they don't even remember Gallipoli. Let's reinstate national service. That'll put a bit of starch in their skinny jeans. (Via Radio Times)

"Nowadays, children find it laughably amusing to shoplift and steal. We allow them to bunk off school and bring in sicknotes. There was one 'crime' during the whole time I was at school, when a fountain pen went missing. Stealing just didn't happen.

 

"We smile when they download information from the internet and lazily present it as their own work... We're leading our children into a false paradise."

 

"In Ethiopia... you might find a 7-year-old expected to take 15 goats out into the fields for the whole day with only a chapati to eat and his whistle. Why are we so afraid to give our children responsibilities like this?"

Fountain-pens, internet, goats and chapatis. Anyone have any questions?