Quelle surprise. Joe McElderry (no, us neither) has gone and done a Will Young and climbed out of a closet which, for us, flung so wide open that the hinges nearly fell off the first moment we laid eyes on him. He revealed his true sexuality to the press yesterday and it wasn't long before Simon Cowell announced he was right behind Joe's decision (just his decision, nothing else).

None of you have the first clue who we're on about do you?

C'mon! Surely you remember Joe McElderry? The baby-faced Geordie from South Shields? Cheryl Cole's BFF? The least successful X Factor winner of all time?

One of 66,524,892 people to cover Journey's 'Don't Stop Believing'? Aha! Now you remember!

Anyway, very average Joe finally announced his homosexuality to the public yesterday - allegedly saying "I love penis man like pet", to which the public replied with the most sarcastic gasp they could muster up.

If you're that desperate for real quotes, then here's what the 19-year-old had to say:

"Over the past few weeks I have really had time to reflect and to realise who I am. I spoke to my friends and family about this in the last few days and it was important to do the same for you all as you have been so supportive.

 

I have had nothing but support from you nad many of you have been very open in saying that you will continue to support me whatever my sexuality. It is important to me to let you know first, so that you know first, so that you know the stories in the papers are true. I made the choice to speak openly about this.

 

Again, I can't thank you enough for all your support. Everything is going well and I'm really happy to be able to move forward from here."

*wakes up*

As we mentioned, Simon Cowell has backed Joe's revelation, describing it as "fantastic" and announcing he is "thrilled" for what he is doing - probably because he thinks it will sell a couple of extra records (to add the five copies his nan buys).

Joe may have come out his closet, but it's now time for us all to crawl back inside ours and forget who he is again.