The model had had to pull out of a book signing yesterday (people queued for hours and were seen ripping up copies of her book - losers!) after a piece of chewing gum pulled out one of the veneers on her teeth.
When she went for emergency dental surgery it was noticed that she was suffering from symptoms of swine flu.
But brushing off concerns about public health Jordan arrived at Heathrow at four o'clock this morning with new cage-fighting boyfriend Alex Reid (see pics of him in action here) after having moved him into her family home this week.
Meanwhile, Peter Andre has been blubbing to every tabloid in sight, saying he's crying himself to sleep and can't even look at another woman.
But what we want to know is, why the hell does his sob story have to be accompanied by pics of him in his pants?
WAIT! THERE'S MORE!
Katie Price pays damages to former manager she accused of sleeping with Peter Andre
Katie Price to sell edible toddler make-up, daughter as cover girl
Katie Price and Alex Reid surprisingly decide to sell their next wedding for £1million
Katie Price brings a touch of class and dignity to the Dublin VIP awards
Peter Andre tour starts, begs an important question
Big Brother winner Pete Bennett gets married, amazing photos
P Diddy pays tribute to Notorious BIG by acting like an absolute cockend
Peaches Geldof and Eli Roth continue their thinly-veiled bout of self validation
Ronnie Wood visits the country with girlfriend, look like murderers
Jennifer Aniston & Gerard Butler get sexy for W Magazine ahead of Bounty Hunter release
Elton John's Oscar party, posh looks drunk, Cowell's breasts
Chanelle Hayes still pregnant, goes out with Robbie Coltrane
Take That's Mark Owen gets busted for 10 affairs
Daisy Lowe slips into a swimsuit and pair of hot-pants for Louis Vuitton bag campaign
X Factor's Rachel Adedeji gets the Holy Moly Interrogation
Katie Price sends saucy texts to Brazilian toyboy Andre Pinto
X Factor's Lucie Jones gets a Holy Moly Interrogation
When Holy Moly met JLS
How much is your sex tape worth?
What is so damn great about Blighty?
COMMENTS (37)
Oh Drake. Get a grip.
Par 1 - offence not offense < we're British you know.
Par 1 - all one sentence (again - see comment on Blue story)
Par 2 - had had? The model had pulled out or The model pulled out... Since when has Jordan been referred to as a 'model' around these parts? Pick a better term like ... well there are plenty to choose from.
Par 2 - 'veneers on her teeth' - where else does one have veneers which might have been damaged by chewing gum? Lose 'on her teeth'.
Par 2 - there should really be a comma after 'surgery' what with this being a complex sentence. That's a linguistic term, not a compliment.
Par 3 - yes, rules are there to be broken but it is horrid to start a paragraph with 'but'. You really like the word but. It is HOWEVER useful to use the word 'however' - as a conjuction rather than in the adverbial position (- where your 'but' is). It removes that 'GCSE English Language essay' feel which your style reminds me of.
Par 3 - comma after 'health' (see above).
Par 3 - very cumbersome - what has the last clause got to do with the first part? A full stop and starting a new sentence would have enhanced your meaning.
Par 4 - But at start of sentence. Not a hanging OFFENCE. It is HOWEVER useful to have a greater repertoire of conjuctions.
I'm not picking on you Drake... Well actually I am because you are being paid and I am not and I am reading your drivel. It is giving me a deep pain in my brain. If you want to work with words, know how to use them in the context you are operating in.
Anyone who can be bothered to write that on a Sunday needs to be having more fun on a Saturday night.
a) I can type really fast, probably unlike you.
b) When I see offenCes against my profession, I need to step in.
c) I would love to see Mr Moly's face when he looks at HIS website and sees what a travesty you are making of it.
d) Had great fun yesterday AND last night and about to have some more. You just need to know the 'cures' to ensure that you can be lucid the next day. Clearly i) You don't know them ii) you never are?
Stella - you're probably a nice lass and all that, but you come across as a right fucking boring cow and priggish pedant. It is quite ignorant to point out someone's grammatical and syntax errors on a public board, and you should realise that you're now going to be under close scrutiny for any potential bollocks you're going to drop. I could sit here and drivel on about English and how txtspk is causing a drop in standards, blah blah blah, but I'd much rather just call Katie Price a cunt.
Capiche?
Blart my dear, I have been reading - and listening to - HM for many a year. He started small and indignant. He then decided to make his website a profitable venture, including using himself for promotional ventures, e.g. being a 'presenter's friend' on Radio 5.
He pays people to write the stories we read. The public board bit is all well and good and you can call me all the names under the sun. However, Mr Scorpio is being given money for his labour. It is called journalism and there are some rules. As in you know how to write.
This gives the journalist the edge. You can write great insightful stuff and have cheers of joy from your readership. Or you can write shit and get a heap full back.
I think you need to understand the difference between the 'content' and the 'comments'. Content deserves comment. I am not the first around here to notice a certain lack of insight and, well, 'content' in the stuff that the paid journalists are posting in Mr M's absence. If Mr M can't take it, then we are all lost and so is this site.
Stella - like I said - you're probably a nice lass, but really it does take a certain amount of bad manners to come across with a comment where you literally (but not in the literal sense, if you catch my drift - did you see what I did there?) dismantle someone's effort in public on here. Dostoyevsky he ain't, and if I had a beef about someone's journalistic standards, I certainly wouldn't air them in such detail on here.
What would have been more lucid (and entertaining) is if you'd just written "Drake, I normally enjoy the subtle and informative insight that you weave into your literary genius which graces these pages, but the example you wrote today really is a biffing pile of unintelligible shite." Or something like that...
Cunt fuck - is that better?
Really, it comes to a point when a PAID journalist can't have his work commented on in the comments to HIS article on a website which gives the opportunity for readers to, well, comment. What happened to free speech?
You need to get your head around the idea that this is a site paid for through 'joint ventures' with other celebrity bashing sites and through the marketing that HM now liberally interjects his mailings with. None of this is possible without HM being able to say that he has x number on his mailings and y numbers on his site as registered punters. That's you and me. It's the same for the online versions of the Daily Mail, the Guardian or any other rag. That they would not countenance such hideous standards without some sub putting it right is the gold standard if you like since on-line journalism goes with the same 'publishing' format and expectations as anything else. Or should. And HM would agree if he were not sunning himself right now on some beach. It's disrespect to the readers - who pay for their wages.
If you are happy with the standards here, then that's all well and good but it doesn't mean I have to be. I'm off to fuck a donkey now just to ensure you don't think less of me because I dared say I don't like what Drake does. Please read my Blue comment before you comment on my objections further.
I find it funny when there is a poster going on about bad manners on a site where we all call people 'cunts'. She has a right to her opinion just like anyone else. The stories on here in the last month have been shit too.
Stella - I, like you, have a vested interest in good, well-spoken and well-written English - which for a Northerner, some might find risible. Anyway, and like you, I also get peeved when (sometimes well-)paid journos produce material which really is fit for the Daily Sport more than a clever and witty website at the forefront of scything wit and repartee. *rolls eyes* But as I tried to explain, rather than go into a long and drawn-out monologue about every little comma and incorrect preposition, it would have had more impact and gravitas to have just told him what a bag of shite he had written - and THEN go into detail if it had been requested. Instead, and I'm sure this wasn't the desired effect, it makes you look like a little smug know-it-all and the point is patently lost. I certainly don't question your right to free opinion, far from it. I would rather have more entertaining stories on here anyway, which is where I think the site is failing, rather than bemoan the falling standards of journalism which, let's face it, Drake is probably little if at all qualified to do.
Sickofcelebs - fuck off, eh?
And you were going on about manners.