Katie Price, despite being in Argentina, has managed to speak to us from across the vast expanse of ocean, willing us to pay attention to her pleas for help. These aren't the sounds of woman crying wolf though, these are the genuine whines of a woman fearing for her life. A lady, in fact. 

That's right, Katie Price is petrified she is going to be stabbed. There's no indication where the threats are coming from exactly, but we can safely narrow it down to somewhere on the UK mainland, or possibly at sea, and it's almost certainly a man or a woman. Talking to OK! about her new security measures, she explained how sitting behind the table turned out to be a lot safer than standing in front. Who would have thought?

"You never know if they've got a knife or something,"

 

"You don't want to get hurt."

 

"I have changed everything. I feel safer sitting behind the table now."

Incidentally, that's not an invitation to you lot to circumvent the table. It's there for a reason. To save lives.

Venturing another wonderfully valuable opinion Price also told OK! about how she was done with cosmetic surgery. Well, permanent cosmetic surgery. Well, permanent cosmetic surgery on her lips. Come on, be reasonable, people.

"I'll never have my lips done again,"

 

"I know I've said that before but I won't do them again.

 

"They're not that bad and I just don't need it, but you know what it's like when you're there with your friends and they're all having it done. It's like, 'Go on then. I'll have a little shot of it as well'. It doesn't last forever. At my hen do we all had Botox and fillers but they're not permanent. I'll try these things - as long as they're not permanent I don't care."

 

"I think that by the time Princess, Harvey and Junior are old enough, there will be something else out there. Probably not even injections. Who knows?"

The future of vanity surgery certainly is an interesting one. Glad that she'll be advising her kids to get it though, rather than just accepting who they are, not like us ugly buggers here at HM. Our parents actualy used to beat us with the 'accepting stick' when we were younger simply to make us realise we couldn't change who we were. Probably didn't help much, looking back. Maybe if they'd done it a bit softer. Oh well, swings and roundabouts.