What's that? You want to read all about how amazing, happy and sexy Katy Perry thinks she is? Well that's convenient then. Because you don't have a choice...

The honeymoon is over, meaning newlyweds Katy Perry and Russell Brand are back in our life for good. And to make matters worse, they're both on the promotional bandwagon, meaning there is no escaping them.

While Brand's stooping to new lows to sell his new book (Loose Women), Perry's busy spraying her new perfume, 'Purr', all about the place. It fucking stinks. Mainly of egotism.

In an interview with the News Of The World - a minor step up from Loose Women - Katy has been talking all about how, like, so totally amazing her life is. She said:

"When you find your husband some people might slow down. But I'm still young. I have a lot of energy and individual goals to reach. I'm very independent, like a cat."

Oh yeah, she also said she's like a cat. Forgot that bit. She continued..

"I won't be less sexy or provocative. I'm a good girl because I believe in love, integrity and respect. I'm a bad girl because I like to tease. I know that I have sex appeal in my deck of cards."

Good for you, Katy. Good for you. All we've got is a three of clubs.

HM would like to take this opportunity to send the following message to all celebrities A list to Z list around the world: GO AND DO SOMETHING INTERESTING PLEASE.