Kerry Katona attempts career relaunch, forgets people find her utterly repellent

4 Surprising scenes Kerry Katona, a vision in white advert Kerry Katona, two previous owners, some damage to the framework

Possibly her next career move?

Atomic Tabby would sell dignity for a pack of mini kievs

Fri, 03/09/2010 - 09:37 by John Hill

Don't worry everyone, Kerry Katona is on the rebound. There's been a lot of talk recently about her having no discernible talent outside of the foodcourt, but we all know that secretly the people who say that are just jealous of her being such a good mum an' that.

Kerry 'Iceland was my Waterloo' Katona has revealed she intends to use her 30th birthday to spring her back into the public eye, back into untold riches and most importantly, back into the world of frozen chicken dippers and free bog paper.

Now while many would think that a leathery bird in her 30s with a track record of drug abuse and fabricating psychiatric problems wouldn't exactly be first on the list for anything other than gastric band surgery, Katona and pals believe she can re-start her career in TV and that the current drought of suitable supermarket advertising positions is simply a blip.

Apparently the best way for her to do that is to make friends with A-listers, which she's hoping to do at her party by showing her tits and possibly performing a small dance routine with her equally vast mother. It's actually starting to sound as if she's becoming even more repellent and desperate than good old Katie Price.

The best thing that Kerry could do right now is just to get Razzle and Club over and done with.

Kerry Katona pictures, Kerry Katona

Comments

The best thing this braying fuckwit could do now is do a bikini shoot. In Saudi Arabia. Posing with bottles of vodka.
retrovertigo Sat, 04/09/2010 - 16:12
Hang on a fucking minute,...God's own country is on that map, we may be hairy backed sheep botherers with a surplus number of toes but even we draw the line at this vacuous abortion..
cowman Sat, 04/09/2010 - 15:49
I can't believe she's under 30; suppose that's what a diet of charlie, Findus Crispy Pancakes and brashness does to the skin.
spandex Fri, 03/09/2010 - 17:21
I dunno why she doesn't just accept that her legitimate career is over and move into low-rent porn.
The Rev Jesse Custer Fri, 03/09/2010 - 14:21
Only if I can use an axe.
The Rev Jesse Custer Fri, 03/09/2010 - 13:34
Well as long as you're not splitting Katona's hair here, Rev....
slug Fri, 03/09/2010 - 12:47
She could be the new Lily Savage.
grange Fri, 03/09/2010 - 12:46
Blame it on Silent Widnes
Raging Hardon Fri, 03/09/2010 - 12:29
pffffft I feel like your splitting hairs here

I think you and the Mancs can share responsibility for her.

That condom is an unholy relic, it's the one that split and resulted in me fathering Jedward with a retarded Irish hooker...well I think she was a hooker although I don't recall any money changing hands ?
The Rev Jesse Custer Fri, 03/09/2010 - 11:42
There's like 50 pounds of monopoly money, a picture of a cat and a 20 year old condom, I can't even sell the wallet it smells like old ladies; cabbage and flora margarine.
She is from Warrington, which is Cheshire. Closer to Manc land than Liverpool.
stix Fri, 03/09/2010 - 11:17
Fuck ! really ?? where the shit does she hail from then ?

Sorry being a cloth eared southerner I'm afraid Northerners fall into 4 distinct categories

1. Manc
2. Scouse
3. Geordie
4. Jock

Keep the wallet, there's probably enough for a new house and a holiday in it.
The Rev Jesse Custer Fri, 03/09/2010 - 11:14
I must insist that you retract that statement. She is not Scouse afterall. We are many things but to be lumped in with Katona is taking it to far. Plus I stole your wallet and you aren't getting it back until you do what I say.
stix Fri, 03/09/2010 - 11:04
There's only one kind of launch I wanna see this fucking scouse gerbil being a part of
The Rev Jesse Custer Fri, 03/09/2010 - 10:31

There's only one kind of launch I wanna see this fucking scouse gerbil being a part of
The Rev Jesse Custer Fri, 03/09/2010 - 10:31
I must insist that you retract that statement. She is not Scouse afterall. We are many things but to be lumped in with Katona is taking it to far. Plus I stole your wallet and you aren't getting it back until you do what I say.
stix Fri, 03/09/2010 - 11:04
Fuck ! really ?? where the shit does she hail from then ?

Sorry being a cloth eared southerner I'm afraid Northerners fall into 4 distinct categories

1. Manc
2. Scouse
3. Geordie
4. Jock

Keep the wallet, there's probably enough for a new house and a holiday in it.
The Rev Jesse Custer Fri, 03/09/2010 - 11:14
There's like 50 pounds of monopoly money, a picture of a cat and a 20 year old condom, I can't even sell the wallet it smells like old ladies; cabbage and flora margarine.
She is from Warrington, which is Cheshire. Closer to Manc land than Liverpool.
stix Fri, 03/09/2010 - 11:17
pffffft I feel like your splitting hairs here

I think you and the Mancs can share responsibility for her.

That condom is an unholy relic, it's the one that split and resulted in me fathering Jedward with a retarded Irish hooker...well I think she was a hooker although I don't recall any money changing hands ?
The Rev Jesse Custer Fri, 03/09/2010 - 11:42
Blame it on Silent Widnes
Raging Hardon Fri, 03/09/2010 - 12:29
She could be the new Lily Savage.
grange Fri, 03/09/2010 - 12:46
Well as long as you're not splitting Katona's hair here, Rev....
slug Fri, 03/09/2010 - 12:47
Only if I can use an axe.
The Rev Jesse Custer Fri, 03/09/2010 - 13:34
I dunno why she doesn't just accept that her legitimate career is over and move into low-rent porn.
The Rev Jesse Custer Fri, 03/09/2010 - 14:21
I can't believe she's under 30; suppose that's what a diet of charlie, Findus Crispy Pancakes and brashness does to the skin.
spandex Fri, 03/09/2010 - 17:21
Hang on a fucking minute,...God's own country is on that map, we may be hairy backed sheep botherers with a surplus number of toes but even we draw the line at this vacuous abortion..
cowman Sat, 04/09/2010 - 15:49
The best thing this braying fuckwit could do now is do a bikini shoot. In Saudi Arabia. Posing with bottles of vodka.
retrovertigo Sat, 04/09/2010 - 16:12