Her surgically attached testicle, Mark Croft, is said to be furious. Reports say that when she arrived back home he jumped in his hummer and drove over his children's snowman.
She was aiming to lose three stone as a way of kickstarting her career after getting caught whacking a load of coke up her nose by the News Of The World last year.
Pictures show how far the pair have fallen. 2008 saw Croft in a Ducati showroom adding to his collection. 2009 saw them buying their Christmas presents in Argos.
But we can understand Mark's concern. The old adage that if you want a glimpse into your wife's future being, you should check out the mother in law has never had quite such horrific results.
I look at Kerry's mum and am immediately reminded of this:
WAIT! THERE'S MORE!
Mark Croft continues his transformation into a stubbly ballsack, admits being greedy
Mark Croft sells story to the NOTW, hates Kerry Katona
Kerry Katona issues a stark warning to the next Mark Croft
Mark Croft in a used car lot, pretends to be on the phone
Kerry Katona gets a load of cash from bank, calls Mark a knob
Big Brother winner Pete Bennett gets married, amazing photos
P Diddy pays tribute to Notorious BIG by acting like an absolute cockend
Peaches Geldof and Eli Roth continue their thinly-veiled bout of self validation
Ronnie Wood visits the country with girlfriend, look like murderers
Jennifer Aniston & Gerard Butler get sexy for W Magazine ahead of Bounty Hunter release
Elton John's Oscar party, posh looks drunk, Cowell's breasts
Chanelle Hayes still pregnant, goes out with Robbie Coltrane
Take That's Mark Owen gets busted for 10 affairs
Daisy Lowe slips into a swimsuit and pair of hot-pants for Louis Vuitton bag campaign
X Factor's Rachel Adedeji gets the Holy Moly Interrogation
Katie Price sends saucy texts to Brazilian toyboy Andre Pinto
X Factor's Lucie Jones gets a Holy Moly Interrogation
When Holy Moly met JLS
How much is your sex tape worth?
What is so damn great about Blighty?
COMMENTS (7)
If she wants to lose 3 stone, she needs to get back on the coke, fast.
Poor Katona.
Fucking minging cunt
For sale: Willpower and dignity - 21p
Over-pricing her slightly aren't you MrHM? Or was that in the press release too?
She's the Lidl bargain basement of celebrity world.
You don't have to pay her much, but boy she delivers amazing value.
so that's what she looks like sans slap.
You see, I don't think I give a fuck about this 'story'. I don't want to know.
This lass, she had a chance once. Shit childhood, topless modeling attempt, then YOWZA, got a place in a band that sang fucking horrible karaoke reject shite but at least it was a living. She fucks that up, (why do you have to leave your job to get married? What's that about?) pops out some babies then mashes up the marriage and decides to marry her rat-faced dealer. Marries a DEALER then says she's given up coke. Oh aye, likely innit? So while her kids try to keep her pecker up and cope with a household that is as stable as the Titanic she goes trampling through the mess that's supposed to be their childhood trumpeting about how hard it all is and how her Bipolar drugs had her slurring like a sloshed docker on national tv, and not the bucket of Blue Wick'd she'd guzzled for breakfast.
Take away the money and the paps and she' s like many other fuck ups in this country breeding the next generation of mentalers. It really is too depressing to think about HM. I don't want to hear about her any more. I'm off to shag a stranger or something.