We saw how glad you all were when the news broke that Kerry Katona had been dropped from CAN management, the team that specialises in putting empty people on TV, so we also thought you might want to know why it happened. A bit of schadenfreude on a Monday. Come on. It's either this or 'Katie Price exclusively reveals Leandro Penna can speak English'.

So, as we mentioned on Friday, Kerry Katona has parted ways with Claire Powell and her elite team of turd polishers. At the time we believed that it was CAN's choice to dump the hollow-headed fool, but according to Kerry, this just wasn't the case, it was actually her choice. Supposedly they weren't taking her career in the direction she wanted:

"Contrary to recent press reports, I was not 'dumped' by CAN Associates,"

 

"It was my decision to leave, as on a professional level my career was taking a direction that I did not want, nor did I feel was appropriate."

 

"Furthermore on a personal level, I felt that my integrity had been compromised, as it was with Nicola Partridge before me."

 

"I have not taken any drugs in the last year and a half - and if anyone claims otherwise, I will sue without hesitation."

Words like 'integrity', 'compromised', 'career' and 'professional' don't really belong in a piece about Kerry Katona, but we thought we'd give this whole 'even handed journalism' thing a try, even if both sides of the story are equally putrescent and full of shit and lies. And drugs.

Not that we're suggesting Kerry has taken drugs, though. Christ no. Wouldn't dream of it. The last thing we'd want is for that pug-nosed Celebrity Mother to waste her last bit of chip shop money taking us to the cleaners. No, we'll get some 'sources close to the ex-Atomic Kitten' to do that for us, explaining exactly what happened on her recent trip to Marbella: (Via The NOTW)

"It is so tragic. She'd just turned her life around. She got off drugs and she was getting closer to clearing her bankruptcy. She now owes Claire thousands and thousands of pounds but has nobody lining up any work.

 

"And all she wants to do is go out and get trashed."

 

"She was clearly out of control. She was trying to grope everyone and even went to the toilet with the door wide open."

 

"It wasn't comfortable to watch her in that sort of state. At one point Kerry ended up vomiting. She did the same thing on a night out back in London this week.

 

"For a long time Claire had been drug testing Kerry on a fortnightly basis to ensure she was off drugs. But they both gave up because all Kerry wanted to do was go out and party."

CAN is the last chance saloon for talentless idiots before they get swallowed up by celebrity purgatory and even they've finally booted the white witch out after she soiled the bed and then tried to mate with the horses. What a woman.

So there you go everyone, hopefully this is the last we'll see of Kerry. One down, Jord-one to go.

No Judy Garland unfortunately...