Kerry Katona to open kebab shop, there'll be nothing left to buy

10 Kerry Katona to open kebab shop Kerry Katona to open kebab shop advert Kerry Katona to open kebab shop Kerry Katona to open kebab shop Kerry Katona to open kebab shop Kerry Katona to open kebab shop advert Kerry Katona to open kebab shop Kerry Katona to open kebab shop Kerry Katona to open kebab shop

Kerry Katona to open kebab shop

Kazza's kebab

Fri, 11/12/2009 - 09:55 by HM writer

This story pretty much writes itself but according to reports, Kerry Katona is keen to open up her kebab to the public. And reports are claiming it'll be dripping with Mark Croft's special white sauce...

Good lord, it's too early for this...

Kazza developed a taste for fine food after advertising frozen prawn rings and breaded cheese bites for Iceland and has now decided the solution to all her financial woes would be to open a fast-food restaurant. Apparently Kerry has already sought financial advice (hopefully not from him) about the possibility of opening a kebab or chip shop, which sound like the same shop to us (you can have that for free, Kerry).

One friend (i.e her mum Sue, probably) said:

"She is always pictured chomping on a kebab and wants to cash in on that image. She is also considering a sandwich deli because the hours are better."

"She wants to find a 'sound small business', which she can run for the rest of her life"

Kerry hasn't had the best 2009, she was declared bankrupt and then lost her £150,000 advertising deal with Iceland following footage of the former Atomic Kitten star snorting cocaine, which also led to a caution by the police. Then she was arrested for beating up her accountant who had reportedly swindled all her cash on hair brained schemes with waste of skin husband Mark Croft such as selling pink rabbits to celebrities...

So, although it would probably be the equivalent of Tiger Woods opening a brothel, we wish her the best of luck! No, we really do, honest!

Kerry Katona pictures, Kerry Katona

Comments

That's a funny dream for a celebrity... Or she is trying to make a posh-like kebab place? HM! Funny! I don't think she would be able to handle it anyway and I bet it would always be at the bottom of the local business reviews tops.
AliceWonderland Sat, 10/04/2010 - 02:07
Actually, I think the reason why we hate this stupid gurning vat of lard is that she really does think she's talented, popular and has something unique to offer to the public. There is no remorse, no humility, no responsibility about how she has found herself in the fucking quicksand quandary she's currently in.

Scone is half right blaming the "chrome domed gimboid", but her own fucking skank of a mother is just as guilty - the drug addict harridan who introduced her own daughter to drugs, fucking various boyfriends in front of her, and ultimately passed on one of her dealers (who has probably been through her fadge on several occasions) who is now her fucking husband.

So, when you see her clambering in and out of her BMW, pissed or out of her tits on coke, kebab in hand and kebab in knickers, I wouldn't feel overly sorry for her
Blartmonster Sat, 12/12/2009 - 00:15
Gimboid ! ha ha ha I haven't heard that word since the early 90's !
MJwasakiddyfiddler Fri, 11/12/2009 - 14:58
Let's not forget that one of the main reasons that this woman gets a bashing from the press and the public, no it's not her cocaine snorting or her gurning face, no it is not her fluctuating weight, it is that egg headed growth which appears alongside her in most photographs, yes, the one and only, Croft... Victor Meldrew's ugly brother...

I can't honestly see him doing anything to help with the business, all he is interested in is getting his leg over one of the locals and spending money, money, incidently... that isn't even his.

I can't stand the bloke and yes it's true, McFadge wasn't exactly an oil painting, but by God, the replacement is 100 times worse, imagine it looming over you while it's getting it's freak on, heaven only knows what goes through Kerry's mind, best to keep your eyes shut, because you are stuck with the chrome domed gimboid
scone Fri, 11/12/2009 - 14:08
"She is always pictured chomping on a kebab and wants to cash in on that image"

I guess. It's either open a kebab shop or become a coke dealer.
mynicehat Fri, 11/12/2009 - 12:12
Kerry - Does the phrase 'eating the profits' mean anything to you?
jiggerycock Fri, 11/12/2009 - 11:41
'they'll be nothing left to buy'

That makes no fucking sense whatsoever. Perhaps if it writes itself, it might be better if you didn't make it really shit.
HeyYou Fri, 11/12/2009 - 11:06
To be fair, a kebab shop offers significantly healthier cuisine than the fucking over-processed, hyrogenated saturated fat, carcinogenic packed shite which Iceland sells.
Stramash Fri, 11/12/2009 - 10:58
Classy move, Katona.Classy move.
tescopop Fri, 11/12/2009 - 10:28

Classy move, Katona.Classy move.
tescopop Fri, 11/12/2009 - 10:28
To be fair, a kebab shop offers significantly healthier cuisine than the fucking over-processed, hyrogenated saturated fat, carcinogenic packed shite which Iceland sells.
Stramash Fri, 11/12/2009 - 10:58
'they'll be nothing left to buy'

That makes no fucking sense whatsoever. Perhaps if it writes itself, it might be better if you didn't make it really shit.
HeyYou Fri, 11/12/2009 - 11:06
Kerry - Does the phrase 'eating the profits' mean anything to you?
jiggerycock Fri, 11/12/2009 - 11:41
"She is always pictured chomping on a kebab and wants to cash in on that image"

I guess. It's either open a kebab shop or become a coke dealer.
mynicehat Fri, 11/12/2009 - 12:12
Let's not forget that one of the main reasons that this woman gets a bashing from the press and the public, no it's not her cocaine snorting or her gurning face, no it is not her fluctuating weight, it is that egg headed growth which appears alongside her in most photographs, yes, the one and only, Croft... Victor Meldrew's ugly brother...

I can't honestly see him doing anything to help with the business, all he is interested in is getting his leg over one of the locals and spending money, money, incidently... that isn't even his.

I can't stand the bloke and yes it's true, McFadge wasn't exactly an oil painting, but by God, the replacement is 100 times worse, imagine it looming over you while it's getting it's freak on, heaven only knows what goes through Kerry's mind, best to keep your eyes shut, because you are stuck with the chrome domed gimboid
scone Fri, 11/12/2009 - 14:08
Gimboid ! ha ha ha I haven't heard that word since the early 90's !
MJwasakiddyfiddler Fri, 11/12/2009 - 14:58
Actually, I think the reason why we hate this stupid gurning vat of lard is that she really does think she's talented, popular and has something unique to offer to the public. There is no remorse, no humility, no responsibility about how she has found herself in the fucking quicksand quandary she's currently in.

Scone is half right blaming the "chrome domed gimboid", but her own fucking skank of a mother is just as guilty - the drug addict harridan who introduced her own daughter to drugs, fucking various boyfriends in front of her, and ultimately passed on one of her dealers (who has probably been through her fadge on several occasions) who is now her fucking husband.

So, when you see her clambering in and out of her BMW, pissed or out of her tits on coke, kebab in hand and kebab in knickers, I wouldn't feel overly sorry for her
Blartmonster Sat, 12/12/2009 - 00:15
That's a funny dream for a celebrity... Or she is trying to make a posh-like kebab place? HM! Funny! I don't think she would be able to handle it anyway and I bet it would always be at the bottom of the local business reviews tops.
AliceWonderland Sat, 10/04/2010 - 02:07