There's been a couple of you out there who've recently commented on a desire to sleep with snow princess Kerry Katona. We personally can't see it, but as you all know, we are a very liberal publication and are willing to accept all sorts as part of our truly multicultural readership, so Kerry, if you're listening (we're assuming someone has to read this to you), this is what some of our commenters had to say about your magnificent new coke-free physique:

Jesus, you lot are picky eh? I would ruin Kerry, twice. I'd nail her do hard that the person who pulled me out would become the next king of England!

Be fair - looking better than a lot of munters, guys ...

 

Now that Katona's skin around her face has been pulled so taut and tight, in that first picture she now resembles that Kristina Rihanoff bird off Strictly Come Dancing

As you can see, they get less enthusiastic as they go on, but it's the best we could do. No names of course.

So what's all this vomit inducing chat for? Well, Kerry, after being thrown of Dancing On Ice, almost immediately gave an interview to The Sun about how she wants to have loads of sex. Loads:

"Everyone's so eager for me to go out and get laid. So am I!"

 

"This bloke chased me down the street the other day for my number. Did I heck give it him. I was in a bed shop as well."

 

"I'm ready to go out and be dated - well, if that's what the kids are calling it these days.

 

"I've forgotten what to do. I'd go speed dating for the craic, for a laugh."

 

"Every relationship you get in is a completely different one to the other. I'll just have to see what happens this time."

 

"When a man does compliment me or asks me out I get very embarrassed."

You really shouldn't Kerry, they're most likely very, very, very drunk. Or having a small stroke. But who's been responsible for giving everyone's favourite white rhino the horn? Her DOI partnet Dan Whiston, apparently:

"He's played a big part in me becoming me again. He's been my rock on and off the ice."

 

"I've got the most amazing friend in Daniel. No matter how good I've been told he is in bed, I wouldn't do that for anything."

Not even a bag of chocolate buttons? We quite simply don't believe you.

Anyway, Jason Gardiner, a judge on DOI, thought there might even have been a possibility Kerry's appearance on the show might not have been entirely due to her love of all things white and powdery:

"Everybody could see Kerry wasn't up to scratch, she cannot skate. I haven't seen any improvement whatsoever. It has steadily declined. I think she was here for the exposure."

Don't let her extraordinary lack of talent or dignity put you off though, gentlemen. The Katona is on the market, and she's hungry, hungry for love*.

*Also just hungry.