Strangely enough, we don't see that many people jumping to Lady Gaga's defense these days. Normally there'd be some teary teenager or insane spinster penning a couple of hundred words about how she's saved their lives and changed the face of music forever and ever, usually plonked lovingly at the bottom of one of our carefully crafted articles, but we haven't seen anything like that for a while. Unless one of them was also offering outrageously cheap trainers.

In fact, maybe even her hardcore fans are getting a bit sick of her general naughty attention-seeking behaviour, and simply can't be bothered anymore. There's also the possibility the've just found something else to occupy them, like screaming at the sun or varnishing their genitals. Or they've stopped reading HM, but that seems unlikely.

Anyway, Lady Crazy McBollocks has done a one off super special show for American TV network HBO, during which we hopefully get to see the real Gaga. The one behind the mask. The one that we want to take home and snuggle and cuddle and not drown in the village pond. Unfortunately, if the teaser's anything to go by, you'll still want to submerge every bit of her bleached hair and whiny mouth under the cold, cool soothing waters of a local reservoir.

'I still sometimes feel like a loser kid in high school and I just have to pick myself up and tell myself that I'm a superstar every morning, so that I can get through this day and be for my fans what they need for me to be,'

 

'But sometimes I still feel like people are trying to destroy me. I cannot be destroyed, I will not be destroyed and you will never destroy the kingdom that is my fans.

 

'I'm fighting for every kid that's like me, that felt like I felt and feels like I still feel. I just wanna be a queen for them and sometimes I don't feel like one.'

Yeah, yeah. That's just what those kids need. A totally bonkers attention seeker who pretends to have a penis so people take notice of her reasonably unexciting music. Go Gaga.