It's going to be a sombre day in the HM office and, we'd expect, throughout the the rest of the world. For today we mourn the loss of something very close to the hearts of the nation, and something very close to the scalp of Lady Gaga... her hair. One too many litres of bleach doused over her head has proved costly for the pop demon, meaning Gaga's golden locks are beginning to drop like flies. Before you know it they'll be lifted from her bedroom floor and made into another one of her twisted outfits - two folicles for the nipples and one for the crotch.

Hasn't she been wearing a bunch of wigs and hats the whole time anyway? She was probably born bald for all we know. Or, even more likely, shaved it all off as soon as she turned five because, y'know, she's so quirky and different like that. And we'd accept her for who she is anyway, wouldn't we?

Anyway, as we mentioned, Gaga has attacked her hair with so much peroxide blonde dye that she admits that she now has to "get a chemical haircut because my blonde hair is falling out". We don't really know what a chemical haircut entails, but it doesn't sound much healthier than what she already does to it.

And talking of unhealthy, the singer also told People magazine that she hits the hay every night wearing make-up - you never know whether the paparazzi could be snooping through your window or hiding under your bed waiting to pounce. Luckily, it won't affect her, because she's unique from the rest of us - the chosen one, or something:

"That's not good for your skin, but I'm blessed with good genes."

Ahh, of course, the Gaga gene: a rare breed. We can only look on in envy.

And look one we do, namely at her latest cover shoot for i-D Magazine. Gaga dons a leather jacket, two black eyes, some pointy fingernails and a fucked up face as she clutches her breasts in the new shot. The hair, too, is still there, but after today's revelation we can't be sure just how long for...