As reported last week, Lindsay Lohan is going to jail (albeit in her palatial home, most likely) for crimes against humanity, including drunk driving and possibly drunk stealing. In the grand scheme of things, these increasingly frequent prison visits should go some way to balancing out her crimes, karma wise, after all, drinking, drugging and whoring yourself about a bit are hardly capital offences, even if they do give you the unwarranted air of self-entitlement you'd normally expect from an Eton graduate. However, they apparently didn't, so God sent her a stalker. A Freemason stalker. 

According to Lindsay's Twitter (which we are inclined to believe is actually her, rather than an assistant, unless she wilfully hired someone who hates the English language) the man has been following her around for years, so she posted this message, with a link to a picture of the man:

'This is the freemason stalker that has been threatening to kill me - while he is TRESPASSING! I'm actually scared now.'

 

'All my fans, my supporters, please stand by me. g-d bless xxL.'

We can't show you the picture unfortunately, LEGAL REASONS, but we can describe him to you. He looks a bit like a Colombian version of auteur director Kevin Smith, when he was really fat. We're not sure whether Lindsay thinks he's a Freemason because he's a porker or because she has some kind of inside info, or even a third, almost inconcievable option, that she's a tiny bit bonkers.

Perhaps it's her fear of this Kevin Smith lookalike that made her party so hard last weekend. According to onlookers she was 'belligerently drunk' at New York club Paul and Andre, even going so far as to grab another girl's arm when she tried to take a picture of Lindsay. Can you imagine that? Someone grabbing someone else in a club? Sounds like troublemaking rumour mill nonsense to us. 

Anyway, since Lindsay seems to be having such a hard time catching a break at the moment, we thought we'd post up a couple of pictures of her back when she was still a viable prospect for film roles that didn't involve her character playing a variation on the theme 'badly damaged hooker with a drug problem'.